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votingcoffee

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votingcoffee

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votingcoffee's favorite FMLs

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

#21059471
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46532) - you deserved it (6575)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, like every other day, my daughter thinks that degrading skinny people is very "non-conformist" and "edgy". This time, though, a slightly slim girl punched her in the face when she accused her of being anorexic. Now people think I gave my daughter her new black eye. FML

#20942627
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39631) - you deserved it (6276)

On 11/02/2013 at 2:46pm - kids - by curvster daughter (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when her mother unexpectedly came home. In the rush to get dressed, we accidentally put on each other's shirts. Her mom noticed. FML

#20670515
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51540) - you deserved it (19633)

On 05/18/2013 at 8:54am - intimacy - by lez probs - United States

Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML

#20488681
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34388) - you deserved it (9155)

On 02/01/2013 at 4:19am - misc - by HistoryFreak (woman) - France

Today, I was chatting to a friend on Facebook about girls, and why we're single. We somehow ended up admitting to one another that we'd never get girlfriends, finding out that we both like hentai porn, and trading info on Japanese sex toys. FML

#20196663
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9144) - you deserved it (28867)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:52pm - love - by XxtentaculonxX - United Kingdom (Argyll and Bute)

Today, my daughter sat me down for a long talk. It turns out that she thinks she is the Chosen One. FML

Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML

#16519347
467 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11600) - you deserved it (117867)

On 06/05/2011 at 8:52pm - misc - by kringr (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I actually heard my 14 year old son muse to himself, "If I can drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto, how hard could it be in real life?" FML

#15935332
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39293) - you deserved it (12218)

On 04/26/2011 at 3:20pm - kids - by nomorexbox - United States (Georgia)

Today, I cried harder than I have in years. I was babysitting, and watching Pokémon to pass the time. It was the episode where Ash, Dawn, and Brock on the show went their separate ways, and may never be together again. FML

#14852501
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16444) - you deserved it (34301)

On 02/05/2011 at 12:22pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML

#13881563
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34048) - you deserved it (17664)

On 11/17/2010 at 9:32pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML

#13881563
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34048) - you deserved it (17664)

On 11/17/2010 at 9:32pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I ran into a police officer while on my bike. It wouldn't be so bad, had he not been riding a massive horse. FML

Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML

#13444115
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29222) - you deserved it (3036)

On 10/14/2010 at 9:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Reserved

Today, I was rushed to the hospital because I was crying so hard I couldn't breathe. Why was I crying? My favorite anime character died. FML

#7711889
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16223) - you deserved it (75274)

On 01/30/2010 at 3:54pm - misc - by Obsessed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

#3799026
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38111) - you deserved it (4930)

On 07/16/2009 at 10:59am - misc - by MadMax (woman) - United States (Texas)



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