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vordhosbn

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vordhosbn

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  • Number of visits : 6453
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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vordhosbn's favorite FMLs

Today, I finally had sex with a girl I've been dating for over a month. Before we got started she told me not to worry about the birth control because she could handle that. So after we finished I asked her what kind of birth control she used. She said she meditated. FML

#3211870
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33409) - you deserved it (70045)

On 06/25/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by UrbanCass (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was visiting my friend's new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughter's. I'm a 37 year old male. FML

#3188725
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30472) - you deserved it (6548)

On 06/24/2009 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I enlisted for The Navy because my Boy Scout leader encouraged me. He fought in Korea and is a real inspiration. I asked him what motivated him to join The Navy. He said he was drunk and didn't remember joining until he was called up. FML

#3172918
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34918) - you deserved it (9145)

On 06/24/2009 at 12:37pm - work - by ArmyMan (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I got a call from my son's second grade teacher. He happens to write and throw with both hands, and wanted to share this during show and tell. Apparently, he didn't know the word for this is ambidextrous, because his teacher told me, "Your son just told the whole class that he's bisexual!" FML

#3120236
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50429) - you deserved it (4927)

On 06/22/2009 at 2:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had a job interview with a person named Chris. The entire time I couldn't figure out if Chris was a man or woman. The interview went as good as it could have went. At the end I said, "Thank you very much sir." Wrong gender. FML

#3117868
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39565) - you deserved it (17253)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:18pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML

#3113124
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62598) - you deserved it (4925)

On 06/22/2009 at 5:03am - intimacy - by fml (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess". He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently I've been bitchy. FML

#3112345
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15526) - you deserved it (64726)

On 06/22/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by tamp (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, my friend sent me a bumper sticker that said, "Do you know that gullible said slowly sounds like 'green bears'?" I spent quite a few minutes trying to get gullible to sound like green bears until I realized that it didn't. FML

#3048050
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10856) - you deserved it (59850)

On 06/20/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML

#3017259
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41583) - you deserved it (5324)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:25am - misc - by bear92 - United States (Virginia)

Today, my older brother told me that no matter how fast you run at automatic sliding doors, they'll open in time. So I ran at a pair. They don't. FML

#3016666
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14884) - you deserved it (100106)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by kat9232000 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself so I said that I was fun, attractive and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year old sister walked up to me and screamed "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!". FML

#2914098
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48396) - you deserved it (13765)

On 06/15/2009 at 3:11pm - love - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up from a dream about finding a vending machine that gave me free food. I kept eating, it was so satisfying words could not describe how great it felt. Then I realized my hands were in between my legs, I had been touching myself dreaming about free food from a vending machine. FML

#2801625
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66596) - you deserved it (14807)

On 06/11/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by hdat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had my first appearance in a court as an attorney. I called the prosecution the prostitution. FML

#2796637
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78815) - you deserved it (22091)

On 06/11/2009 at 7:52am - work - by apav (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I decided to go swimming. I knew my technique would be off because I haven't swam since high school. It was when I made it only halfway across the pool that the lifeguard decided to jump in and save me. I wasn't drowning or struggling. FML

#2780128
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40042) - you deserved it (4133)

On 06/10/2009 at 6:50pm - health - by anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

#2741665
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40366) - you deserved it (9618)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:09pm - animals - by chris (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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