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vliu07

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vliu07

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vliu07's favorite FMLs

Today, I was going through my daughter's contacts, except all of them had names from Harry Potter. I found the name "Mom." I was relieved I didn't have some silly name, until I realized it wasn't my number; it was her father's new wife. My number was under "Voldemort." FML

#20726673
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47911) - you deserved it (20244)

On 06/15/2013 at 12:19am - kids - by Jill (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

#20660939
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77324) - you deserved it (5288)

On 05/13/2013 at 3:10pm - intimacy - by more than I wanted to know (man) - Italy (Emilia-Romagna)

Today, my mom asked me what a MILF is. Apparently that's her nickname at work. FML

#20634708
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53157) - you deserved it (4124)

On 05/01/2013 at 11:55am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I dressed up as Batman for a comic book convention. I was hit by a car on the way there by a man dressed up as the Joker for the same convention. FML

#20587443
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60631) - you deserved it (20251)

On 04/13/2013 at 1:04am - misc - by ironies a b*tch - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boss threatened to fire me for killing him in Minecraft. FML

#20571304
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35094) - you deserved it (7602)

On 04/02/2013 at 6:30am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79941) - you deserved it (8256)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML

#20420365
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28130) - you deserved it (3105)

On 12/25/2012 at 1:41am - misc - by CambodianAsshole (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
522 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75086) - you deserved it (8791)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

#18355284
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32037) - you deserved it (15793)

On 11/26/2011 at 10:09am - intimacy - by hitintheeye - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving home and got a phone call from my mom. She called to tell me that there was a cop at the bottom of our hill, and to be careful. I got a ticket for talking on my cell phone while driving. FML

#18269786
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13205) - you deserved it (25755)

On 11/17/2011 at 12:43am - misc - by tramplily - United States

Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML

#17193667
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28004) - you deserved it (2211)

On 07/20/2011 at 6:17pm - misc - by cheddar (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at the movie theatre. I went to the bathroom, and was about to wipe my butt when I realized that where the toilet-paper dispenser should have been, there was a large hole. The woman in the next stall waved. FML

#7309178
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26700) - you deserved it (4871)

On 01/12/2010 at 9:57pm - misc - by pass_the_tp (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I gathered the courage to ask my crush on a date. As I called her, she quickly answered and said "Can't talk right now, I'm in a movie theater." and then hung up. I'd called her home phone. FML

#4706873
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37157) - you deserved it (2774)

On 08/21/2009 at 11:36am - love - by sophistication (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, just after getting off the phone with a girl I am interested in, I parked on campus and decided to eat my lunch in the car. As I was sitting there, she appeared out of nowhere and walked to her car. I was parked directly behind her car, sitting there like a creepy ass. FML

#1187593
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53007) - you deserved it (8641)

On 04/21/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by porkieworkie (man) - United States (Kansas)



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