About viper64 : I'm 6'0" and 135 lbs. I play kicker and punter in football at my high school, as well as 1st base in baseball, and I'm a striker in soccer. It sucks being so light and thin, because you're never taken seriously till you prove yourself.
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200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
viper64's favorite FMLs
Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML
by Failed Parent / 10/11/2012 at 2:59am / United States / Kids
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
Today, at work, my buddy pulled up in his car. I handed him $40, and he handed me a bag. It must have looked like a drug deal, but he was actually just smuggling in the new Pokémon game for me. I'm 22, and a drug deal would probably have been less embarrassing to explain. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 12:03pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/08/2012 at 6:27pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Kids
by Unfortunate / 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML
by GEE, THANKS DAD / 09/28/2012 at 6:21pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a shady looking person on the street. As I walked past him, he said, "Hey, come here." Thinking he needed something, I went over. He handed me several pictures of my wife, in public and at home. I've never seen this man before in my life. FML
by ahappypenguin / 09/26/2012 at 12:07am / Miscellaneous
by smashed / 09/24/2012 at 10:33am / United States / Kids
Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend has a three day break from work. This would be great if he hadn't just told me he's having a Guild Wars 2 marathon. Now all I have to look forward to is slow wifi and anguished screams every time his character dies. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2012 at 7:49pm / United States (Kansas) / Love
by scarred for life / 09/21/2012 at 6:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by he is going to hell / 09/18/2012 at 5:46pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by GMD / 09/18/2012 at 4:20pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Health
by jlee0000785 / 09/17/2012 at 10:15am / Australia / Love
Today, I was watching TV with my grandma. I said aloud, "Dang, that actor is hot." My grandma pointed out he was a spitting image of my cousin. I realized she was right, and that I may as well be attracted to my own cousin. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2012 at 12:11pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, after math class, the resident creepy kid approached me and asked me out. I've only spoken to him twice before, so I was creeped out, and I politely declined. He totally lost it, and shouted that I'm a "friend-zoning bitch" before storming out of the room. FML
by wow kid just leave me alone / 09/14/2012 at 8:03pm / United States / Love
- Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a… Today, while pulling into my driveway, I slightly bumped into something. My wife. I'll be sleeping…