About vespergreen : I got to stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you.
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vespergreen's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML
by anna / 10/31/2013 at 2:27pm / United States (Mississippi) / Kids
Today, I was wearing a letterman jacket that had my school name and "Okinawa Japan" on the back. A high school kid walks up to me and says, "I can't forgive you people for bombing Pearl Harbor." I'm black. FML
by The_FN_Gunny / 10/29/2013 at 6:31pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML
by SharkWeek / 10/27/2013 at 11:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, at work, I had a customer accuse me of taking the giftcard I had issued her for her return, after spending 15 minutes trying to fix her screwed up transaction. She began to yell, and follow me around the store. Security had to intervene and I had to be locked in an office until she left. FML
by KatieElizabeth / 10/27/2013 at 12:57am / United States (California) / Work
by Puppy problems / 10/26/2013 at 9:23pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals
Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML
by Jane M / 10/25/2013 at 7:20pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2013 at 3:56pm / United States (New York) / Love
by U_U / 10/20/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy
by Teiu88 / 10/20/2013 at 10:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I found out that my brother is adamant that if he records silence, then listens to said silence at full volume, it'll improve the headphones' noise-blocking abilities. I live with a complete idiot. FML
by Eggs6131 / 10/15/2013 at 9:09am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous
Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2013 at 3:13am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by easily amused / 10/12/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/11/2013 at 6:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/10/2013 at 1:25am / United States (California) / Work
by keyshame / 10/10/2013 at 1:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…