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vernk

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vernk

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3703
  • Number of comments : 258
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About vernk : silent type

vernk's page activity

Visits<b>MrsPegg</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 10:48pm<b>Karennnx</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 6:43am<b>Lesser</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 7:46pm<b>SkipBeatOtaku</b> - the 02/12/2015 at 6:28pm<b>RockyLovesARacer</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 10:39am<b>kuso</b> - the 12/19/2014 at 10:50am<b>annarcheer</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 9:43pm<b>ostfaiz</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 11:22am<b>klenorris</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 2:00am<b>Ev3d11</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 9:06pm<b>_Lenah_</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 11:52pm<b>AmericaAmurka</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 3:06pm<b>chuksnwali</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 10:27pm<b>colton_colton</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 2:58pm<b>Rajafashaneshi</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 4:36pm<b>Cabhm</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 4:24am<b>petrolhead</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 10:51am<b>lorynnwatt</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 7:57pm

Fucked!<b>Lesser</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 12:46am

vernk's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of vernk's badges

vernk's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

#20503125
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40907) - you deserved it (8178)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML

#20502853
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11275) - you deserved it (35986)

On 02/11/2013 at 9:30pm - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

#20501864
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24280) - you deserved it (9636)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:19am - love - by mr_loveless (man) - United States

Today, I went to the local pet store to purchase a large dog bed so my dog wouldn't sleep in mine. After I got home and set up her bed, I realized I forgot to buy dog treats. When I came home again, her new bed was torn to shreds, and she was still sleeping on my bed. FML

#20501469
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27124) - you deserved it (5532)

On 02/10/2013 at 8:51pm - animals - by akasoor - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML

#20501281
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27158) - you deserved it (2571)

On 02/10/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by obsequiousfannyflapper (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, really desperate to get a job, I filled out an application for a dishwashing job. My application got tossed out, because I'm not an economics major like the other guy applying for the same job. FML

#20500922
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27345) - you deserved it (2327)

On 02/10/2013 at 12:55pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I finally figured out why I've been getting diarrhea so often over the past six months. It only happens whenever I do something "sneaky". My body reacts strongly to how I stress over potentially getting caught. I'm a private investigator, and I apparently need a new career. FML

#20500655
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31455) - you deserved it (3798)

On 02/10/2013 at 5:41am - work - by screwed - United States

Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML

#20499511
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28746) - you deserved it (2069)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:21pm - misc - by UuuuUUUUhhgghghghGHh (woman) - Kenya

Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML

#20496820
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12545) - you deserved it (37072)

On 02/07/2013 at 7:31am - misc - by chattyloz (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my mother if I could have my boyfriend sleep over for Valentine's day weekend. Her response? "If you're on your period he can. Unless he's into that. Then no." FML

#20496085
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20841) - you deserved it (38282)

On 02/06/2013 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by dab1230 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

#20494997
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37163) - you deserved it (7009)

On 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm - love - by NewlyDread (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a state trooper ticketed me after learning I was ticketed for the same offense an hour earlier, namely driving with a broken headlight. The good news is that both tickets will be dismissed if I go to court. The bad news is that I'd have to go to different courthouses at the same time of day. FML

#20494464
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30835) - you deserved it (3928)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:59pm - money - by halfmypaycheckgone (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML

#20493993
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9104) - you deserved it (47576)

On 02/05/2013 at 12:24am - misc - by swarm20 - United States (Minnesota)

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26257) - you deserved it (8655)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

#20493182
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69038) - you deserved it (3943)

On 02/04/2013 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by hamandegger (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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