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vernk

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vernk

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1854
  • Number of comments : 258
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About vernk : silent type

vernk's page activity

Visits<b>RockyLovesARacer</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 2:11pm<b>Rajafashaneshi</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 4:36pm<b>Cabhm</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 4:24am<b>petrolhead</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 10:51am<b>lorynnwatt</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 7:57pm<b>zBerryz</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 2:18am<b>watermelon1</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 10:26pm<b>qdawg06</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 9:08pm<b>skiddymarker</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 5:16pm<b>billionair11</b> - the 06/14/2014 at 1:13am<b>imalosertho</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 7:21pm<b>zeriously95</b> - the 04/17/2014 at 3:42am<b>Cygnus</b> - the 03/05/2014 at 1:53am<b>starwarman59</b> - the 01/10/2014 at 11:47pm<b>Dark_Stream</b> - the 01/07/2014 at 6:22am<b>Lesser</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 5:07am<b>maxine34</b> - the 12/19/2013 at 7:32pm<b>broim13calm_down</b> - the 11/17/2013 at 12:38am

vernk's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of vernk's badges

vernk's favorite FMLs

Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML

#20540823
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34780) - you deserved it (5490)

On 03/12/2013 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

#20540360
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25232) - you deserved it (8370)

On 03/12/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years. I also found out later that symbol stands for urine. FML

#20539190
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8673) - you deserved it (45041)

On 03/11/2013 at 3:43am - misc - by PeeLeg (woman) -

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML

#20538059
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40806) - you deserved it (4755)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm - love - by Raiden (man) - United Kingdom (Barnsley)

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

Today, I'm so broke after paying my bills, that I resorted to eating plain garlic butter from the pizzeria down the street for lunch. The worst part: to get the butter, I stormed in and angrily complained, saying they forgot to give it to me. I never even ordered a pizza. FML

#20537238
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35414) - you deserved it (8563)

On 03/09/2013 at 6:03pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my teacher read my story about a haunted house for a class assignment. She liked it very much and turned it in to the office to be sent into a state writing competition. An hour later, I was called to the office where the guidance counselor called my work "disturbing" and said I "need help". FML

#20535562
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32753) - you deserved it (2516)

On 03/08/2013 at 6:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad and I had an hour-long conversation. When he was getting up to leave my room he said, "Good talk Chelsey." My sister is Chelsey. So I corrected him. He thought I was joking. My father can't tell my sister and I apart. We are not twins. FML

#20535549
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34729) - you deserved it (2153)

On 03/08/2013 at 5:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML

#20533491
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29379) - you deserved it (4045)

On 03/06/2013 at 1:04pm - kids - by ProudMother (woman) - United Kingdom (Telford and Wrekin)

Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML

#20531914
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8815) - you deserved it (67802)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:48am - work - by is there a environmental scientist in the house? - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

#20531751
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43817) - you deserved it (4243)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML

#20531284
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23319) - you deserved it (16713)

On 03/04/2013 at 7:43pm - work - by seriously (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I walked into what I thought would be a surprise birthday party. It wasn't. It was my parents staging an intervention over my cat obsession. FML

#20530955
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15935) - you deserved it (26228)

On 03/04/2013 at 3:02pm - misc - by DM - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my wife finally came home from deployment. Apparently, in the military she really built up some muscle. When she saw me at the airport, she picked me up like a baby and spun me around in her arms a few times. I'm a little scared of her now. FML

#20530533
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38865) - you deserved it (9404)

On 03/04/2013 at 2:36am - love - by married to wonder woman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. I also found out that her sister is an MMA fighter. She put me in an extremely strong chokehold until I took the break-up back. FML

#20530332
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37218) - you deserved it (6509)

On 03/03/2013 at 11:47pm - love - by she also gave me a wedgie (man) - United States (California)



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