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venomousddog's favorite FMLs
Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML
by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/16/2012 at 12:03am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2012 at 5:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML
by erockinthesuburb / 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML
by Baustigt / 04/10/2012 at 6:48am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
by claudio117 / 04/08/2012 at 5:16am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
by woohoo420 / 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/31/2012 at 11:10am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/25/2012 at 9:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 11:21pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML
by Kayla / 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 02/28/2012 at 2:41pm / United States (Washington) / Money
by Anonymous / 02/28/2012 at 1:20pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Username / 02/27/2012 at 7:37pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous