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venomousddog's favorite FMLs
by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/16/2012 at 12:03am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2012 at 5:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML
by erockinthesuburb / 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML
by Baustigt / 04/10/2012 at 6:48am / Australia (Western Australia) / Animals
by claudio117 / 04/08/2012 at 5:16am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML
by woohoo420 / 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/31/2012 at 11:10am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/25/2012 at 9:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 11:21pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML
by Kayla / 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 02/28/2012 at 2:41pm / United States (Washington) / Money
by Anonymous / 02/28/2012 at 1:20pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Username / 02/27/2012 at 7:37pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to an extended family reunion. I started chatting to my great grandpa, and he asked me what I do for a living. Before I could tell him I breed animals, my visibly drunk dad interrupted and slurred, "Oh, she jacks things off. Horses, pigs, just about anything, really." FML
by -_- / 02/17/2012 at 7:13pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Intimacy
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…