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Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23871) - you deserved it (2045)
On 02/28/2012 at 1:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17944) - you deserved it (1841)
On 02/27/2012 at 7:37pm - misc - by Username (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8308) - you deserved it (42529)
On 02/13/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by SpLo0gIeR - United States
Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22956) - you deserved it (2208)
On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was DJing on a popular local radio station when a pop-up window appeared on the station's computer. Of all the possible sounds that could have played, it was a girl screaming in pleasure. It went out live on air. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25154) - you deserved it (4310)
On 09/01/2011 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by djfail - United States (Hawaii)
Today, my boyfriend tried to tell me that he was worried our child might not be mine because he was cheating on me when I got pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54430) - you deserved it (4984)
On 06/29/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34459) - you deserved it (2750)
On 06/28/2011 at 2:39am - intimacy - by girlshavepenises (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, in science, we were studying reproduction. Our teacher was reading out the notes and claimed that 'the female's penis stiffens to enter the male's vagina.' I'm supposed to be learning stuff from this woman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34459) - you deserved it (2750)
On 06/28/2011 at 2:39am - intimacy - by girlshavepenises (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, my boyfriend said that to be extra careful he's been taking my birth control pills too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53970) - you deserved it (6842)
On 06/27/2011 at 9:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52605) - you deserved it (3653)
On 05/11/2011 at 1:17am - intimacy - by Chels (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was getting dirty looks on the train whilst air strumming the guitar to a song on my iPod, after glancing at the reflection in the window I realized it looked like I was masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13163) - you deserved it (29263)
On 03/09/2011 at 2:37pm - intimacy - by anonymouse - Reserved
Today, I was texting my trainer to rearrange our training session. My girlfriend texted me during the exchange, asking what I wanted for Christmas. I accidentally texted my trainer, "All I want are your sweet titties in my face". I'm awaiting a response. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11191) - you deserved it (29214)
On 11/27/2010 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while at work, I got a call. They left a voicemail. It was a 7 minute voicemail of the mattress squeaking and my mom screaming my dad's name. I am going to their house for supper tonight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25588) - you deserved it (1914)
On 11/13/2010 at 1:07am - intimacy - by Cantbreath94 - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my cat learned how to flush the toilet while I was in the shower. His transformation from cute kitten to pure evil entity is now complete. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26635) - you deserved it (4834)
On 11/08/2010 at 5:55am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Turkey (Istanbul)
Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44538) - you deserved it (2968)
On 10/29/2010 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Monday 17 June 2013
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