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venomousddog

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venomousddog
  • Town/Country : Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 21 October 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 560
  • Number of comments : 71
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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venomousddog's favorite FMLs

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

#19482788
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27254) - you deserved it (2369)

On 04/17/2012 at 5:38am - health - by SeeingLlamas (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my dad came to pick me up. It would have been nicer if he'd had his clothes on. FML

#19476340
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20352) - you deserved it (1532)

On 04/16/2012 at 12:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML

#19450814
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18299) - you deserved it (1237)

On 04/11/2012 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend of four years friend-zoned me while I was proposing to her. FML

#19449963
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38899) - you deserved it (2575)

On 04/11/2012 at 2:27pm - love - by crjsej - United States (Texas)

Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML

#19449472
462 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13129) - you deserved it (34864)

On 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm - misc - by erockinthesuburb (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while lying in bed, I heard a strange grating noise coming from the hallway. After recovering from my initial assumption that it was a poltergeist come to murder me and steal my liver, I went out to investigate. It was there that I discovered my bulldog casually eating into the wall. FML

Today, during an Easter egg hunt, I found divorce papers. FML

#19428226
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29018) - you deserved it (1705)

On 04/08/2012 at 5:16am - love - by claudio117 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was so baked out of my mind that I argued with my parakeet over who farted. I could be wrong, but I think I lost the argument. Worse still, my boyfriend had been standing in the doorway long enough to hear everything, even me farting. FML

#19406343
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7201) - you deserved it (34310)

On 04/04/2012 at 12:14pm - misc - by woohoo420 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML

#19381776
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20170) - you deserved it (9621)

On 03/31/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up in jail charged with a DWI. I wasn't drinking last night and the only thing I remember is taking my prescription sleep medicine and lying down. FML

#19347272
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24348) - you deserved it (1923)

On 03/25/2012 at 9:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cock blocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML

#19323804
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23351) - you deserved it (5777)

On 03/21/2012 at 11:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML

#19222956
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23684) - you deserved it (7492)

On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States

Today, someone caused over $400 worth of damage by breaking into my car, just to steal $8 worth of beer. FML

#19182487
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24143) - you deserved it (2593)

On 02/28/2012 at 2:41pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out my roommate had mistaken my toothbrush for his dog's. So for the last month he's been using my toothbrush on his dog. The dog's favorite meal? Fresh cat poop. FML

#19182040
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24372) - you deserved it (2071)

On 02/28/2012 at 1:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

#19177249
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21927) - you deserved it (2491)

On 02/27/2012 at 7:37pm - misc - by Username (man) - United States (New Jersey)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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