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venomousddog

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venomousddog
  • Town/Country : Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 21 October 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 569
  • Number of comments : 71
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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venomousddog's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

#20185812
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6640) - you deserved it (27927)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:28pm - misc - by goodbye cruel world (man) - United States (California)

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

#20185421
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15658) - you deserved it (3881)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:29pm - misc - by so pray to ariel about it, dipshits (woman) - United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of)

Today, I realized that the bird I supposedly heard during the night throughout my childhood is actually the sound my mom makes when she comes. FML

#20160628
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35960) - you deserved it (2472)

On 11/12/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by Heather - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML

#20160393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23531) - you deserved it (7192)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by mm (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21189) - you deserved it (1752)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML

#20139053
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8369) - you deserved it (12550)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:39pm - misc - by IndianAngel96 - United States (Texas)

Today, I found a ticket on my motorcycle for not parking in a designated spot. The space I had parked my bike in was occupied by a large van. Some asshole had moved my bike. FML

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19505) - you deserved it (4649)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, the girl I'm dating mentioned that she'd had her healthy wisdom teeth removed to prevent her future children from having wisdom teeth. I laughed. She wasn't joking. FML

Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML

#20098049
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19079) - you deserved it (6718)

On 10/02/2012 at 6:29am - misc - by kira (woman) - United States

Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw a brick down the laundry-chute. Guess who spent the night at the hospital. FML

#20097230
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17525) - you deserved it (1203)

On 10/01/2012 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, my laptop got hit by a Trojan. Not the malware, but a used condom thrown from a car driving past as I sat on a street bench. FML

#20091945
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30067) - you deserved it (2172)

On 09/28/2012 at 4:24am - intimacy - by iNearlyHurled - United States

Today, I went for my follow-up appointment with my surgeon. He walked into the room and said, "I thought you died." FML

Today, I stumbled across "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" on TV and realized that these awful freaks are going to make more money than I ever will. FML

#20070573
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23235) - you deserved it (2375)

On 09/13/2012 at 6:29pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulled over. The cop stated that he "couldn't see" me because I had "blended in with the dark car background", and that it looked like no one was driving. I was literally pulled over for being black. FML

#20068526
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37702) - you deserved it (2942)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:00am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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