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venomousddog

Offline (the 10/15/2014 at 8:44pm) | Search for a member

venomousddog

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 21 October 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 855
  • Number of comments : 75
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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venomousddog's page activity

Visits<b>vikky538</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 6:29pm<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 2:10pm<b>Owlnight321</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 12:15pm<b>Elric97</b> - the 06/14/2014 at 4:31pm<b>KaneHunter</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 12:47am<b>Ayezed</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 10:02am<b>cassieperiodbee</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 12:43pm<b>dead_insects</b> - the 04/22/2013 at 8:00pm<b>MagicGiraffe</b> - the 03/24/2013 at 1:39am<b>Elovena</b> - the 03/15/2013 at 5:50pm<b>Maddy9111</b> - the 01/27/2013 at 3:15pm<b>neeena94</b> - the 01/12/2013 at 8:31am<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 01/03/2013 at 3:55am<b>homeboyangst</b> - the 12/18/2012 at 10:09pm<b>chrissy2</b> - the 12/14/2012 at 1:41am<b>theimprobableone</b> - the 11/19/2012 at 12:07am<b>lmc94</b> - the 09/06/2012 at 12:27am

venomousddog's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

I NEED to know!

You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of venomousddog's badges

venomousddog's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked a passenger what he wanted to drink. When he said marijuana, I started making pot jokes. He really asked for mineral water. I was given a drug test when we landed. FML

#21269829
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29701) - you deserved it (10241)

On 10/02/2014 at 9:55pm - work - by stewardess - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

#21265910
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39422) - you deserved it (6263)

On 09/26/2014 at 5:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

#21243310
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23658) - you deserved it (27)

On 08/22/2014 at 6:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

#21243189
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21898) - you deserved it (37860)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my coworker called in to say that he couldn't make it to work today because he was in a coma and asked if I could cover his shift. This isn't the first time he's tried to use this excuse. FML

#21203542
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42420) - you deserved it (3379)

On 07/09/2014 at 12:24am - work - by HowAreYouAlive - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML

#21168803
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46970) - you deserved it (3471)

On 06/09/2014 at 9:56pm - health - by Harry (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

#21167190
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56740) - you deserved it (6840)

On 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by 404: sense not found (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML

#21166627
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51607) - you deserved it (6769)

On 06/07/2014 at 11:22pm - misc - by Un1ucky (woman) - United States

Today, despite years of paranoid checking, I forgot to check my towel for spiders after my shower. Two crawled onto me, and I'm pretty sure there's one somewhere in my hair. FML

#21161379
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40010) - you deserved it (4924)

On 06/03/2014 at 4:56am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML

#21142903
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39548) - you deserved it (6515)

On 05/17/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by her mom raised her (man) - Mexico

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

#21142020
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42547) - you deserved it (9074)

On 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, a guy asked for my number at the grocery store, but I politely told him I wasn't interested. He followed me home and took a shit on my doorstep. FML

#21137065
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51836) - you deserved it (7189)

On 05/11/2014 at 8:14pm - love - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Hawke's Bay)

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I am afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML

#21133607
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38319) - you deserved it (5659)

On 05/07/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by BaggedDown (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while working at Home Depot, a customer tried to engage me in a conversation about which gardening tool would "hypothetically" be the best to kill his wife with. FML

#21132614
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42806) - you deserved it (3463)

On 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

#21132433
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43175) - you deserved it (8261)

On 05/06/2014 at 2:38pm - kids - by Satan's Mum (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

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FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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