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venomousddog's favorite FMLs
by fartypants / 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by fisted / 06/12/2015 at 9:42am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML
by roadie42 / 05/24/2015 at 11:15pm / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by stewardess / 10/02/2014 at 9:55pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML
by Anonymous / 08/22/2014 at 6:18pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/22/2014 at 2:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by HowAreYouAlive / 07/09/2014 at 12:24am / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I was walking in the street, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital. According to witnesses, a guy came up and hit me over the head with a baseball bat. Apparently that's a thing that happens now. But it's okay, he had an excuse: he said he was drunk. FML
by Harry / 06/09/2014 at 9:56pm / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML
by Un1ucky / 06/07/2014 at 11:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/03/2014 at 4:56am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Animals
by her mom raised her / 05/17/2014 at 1:30pm / Mexico / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/11/2014 at 8:14pm / New Zealand (Hawke's Bay) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/06/2014 at 6:47pm / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
Today, during a boat trip with my boyfriend's family, I got seasick and went to the side of the boat to puke. A current rocked the boat so badly that I fell overboard, prompting a panicked rescue and my boyfriend's mom muttering that I'm a pathetic attention whore. FML
by have it your way / 04/29/2014 at 3:13pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…