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vb68's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
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vb68's favorite FMLs
Today, I watched in horror from the doorway as my brother furiously scratched at his greasy hair and ate the large flakes of dead skin that came loose from his scalp. I think our real dad might be caged in a zoo somewhere. FML
by GROSS / 03/07/2015 at 10:58am / Bangladesh / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I noticed that my son was less excited about losing a tooth than normal. I asked him what was wrong, he said, "Tyler told me that the tooth fairy died yesterday in a car accident." To which Tyler replied, "You're welcome." FML
by Mommycakes / 03/03/2015 at 8:14am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
Today, I moved to a big city, alone, from a small town. After convincing myself it wasn't that scary, I hailed my first cab. The driver spent the 30 minute ride from the airport telling me about how "sometimes, you just gotta shoot a guy" because if they steal your shoes, they deserve it. FML
by smalltownkid / 03/01/2015 at 6:22pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved a character from My Little Pony forcing itself on me. Now I hate that fucking stupid show more than ever. FML
by love and tolerape, apparently / 03/01/2015 at 2:24pm / India (Jharkhand) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/01/2015 at 2:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by Anonymous / 03/01/2015 at 1:59pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Love
Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML
by Anonymous / 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by FreshDonuts / 02/28/2015 at 12:03am / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about times we'd made our mothers cry. She said she'd only made her mother cry once. When I asked when, she said, "When I told her I was thinking about dating you." FML
by shoggoth_wild / 02/27/2015 at 9:13am / United States (Mississippi) / Love
Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML
by LocallyBrewed / 02/26/2015 at 11:11pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by confused / 02/26/2015 at 10:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
by We're still popping them / 02/26/2015 at 7:35pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML
by Anonymous / 02/26/2015 at 7:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML
by Sarah1330 / 02/24/2015 at 11:33pm / United States / Animals
- Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the…