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vb68's FML badges
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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
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vb68's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I said I wouldn't find her attractive in 20 years. What I actually said was that I wouldn't sleep with her mother now, who happens to be 20 years older than her. FML
by Shelling Ford / 08/25/2015 at 7:55am / Germany (Bayern) / Love
Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML
by catlady / 08/24/2015 at 11:16pm / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, I spent an hour trying to sleep before work, but I couldn't because my two dogs wouldn't stop barking. Completely pissed off, I finally went and told the little fuck nuggets to shut the shit up. I was then immediately knocked unconscious by the burglar in my house. FML
by SilentSin / 08/24/2015 at 10:02pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2015 at 12:25am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by SebastianCT / 08/19/2015 at 1:44pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad called to wish me a happy birthday. I said thank you but informed him that my birthday is tomorrow. He told me that I was wrong and screamed at me for 20 minutes. When I still wouldn't agree with him, he hung up and turned my phone service off. FML
by InterestingMuch / 08/18/2015 at 10:48am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/18/2015 at 9:26am / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
by IceWrath / 08/16/2015 at 4:14am / United Kingdom (York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2015 at 1:35pm / United States (New York) / Love
by jobless and broke / 07/29/2015 at 2:40pm / United States (Arizona) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/27/2015 at 12:32pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by Razz / 07/15/2015 at 6:02pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, while walking alone through a sketchy neighbourhood after a party, I learned that I look too broke to even rob and "not worth the bother". Overhead from a guy waiting for me in a bush with a flashlight and his equally charming friend. FML
by ramherr / 07/13/2015 at 8:30pm / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Miscellaneous
by brichard22 / 07/12/2015 at 10:25am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was late for work, so I grabbed my handbag, my sports bag and ran out. The bus arrived at the stop just as I did, so I hopped on and sat down, trying to catch my breath. I dumped my bags onto my knees and looked down to see my cat, staring back at me from inside my sports bag. FML
by matou / 07/09/2015 at 4:41pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Transportation