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vb68's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
vb68's favorite FMLs
Today, as my mom was getting ready for a date, I told her that I think it's too early for her to date, since she divorced my dad only a week ago. She then said, "Don't worry, I'm only in it for sex." FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2015 at 2:05pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML
by nerderer / 06/04/2015 at 10:17pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
by Zufallian / 06/02/2015 at 8:55pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by IrNatalie / 06/02/2015 at 4:59am / United States (Arizona) / Work
by TooLoud / 05/30/2015 at 8:12pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2015 at 11:12am / United States (California) / Love
by Anon / 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML
by wtf bro / 05/20/2015 at 4:45am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Intimacy
Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML
by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 7:43am / United States (California) / Work
Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML
by HiddlePuff / 05/14/2015 at 8:42am / Australia / Work
Today, I got a friend request on Facebook. It's from the person who crashed into my car earlier in the month. It's funny that she doesn't return my calls or messages, but liked my status about the accident. FML
by iamgodzilla / 05/13/2015 at 10:55pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by Anonymous / 05/11/2015 at 2:59am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spent nearly two hours listening to our cleaning lady talking about her son's infected penis, her fear of dentists, how to catch and kill ducks, her husband's childhood and her supposedly murdered dog. She ended up crying and left without cleaning. FML
by Martine624 / 05/07/2015 at 5:56pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous
by Random737193 / 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I desperately needed to let off some steam at work, so I went outside and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs, before heading back inside. The police then showed up to investigate complaints of a "raving lunatic" in the area. FML
by RavingLunatic / 05/01/2015 at 6:17pm / United States (Arizona) / Work