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Today Grandma Rushd Into Work And Told Manager I Had To Leave Due To A Family Emergency. Panickd I Ran To Get Stuff And Ran To The Car. When I Askedhat Had Happend She Replid "I Needd Someone To Go See 50 Shades Of Grey With Me." Mega FML
Taday I showd son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughd, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish sperm had a warranty. FML
Today, at dinner, mah downstair's neighbors described how they can listen to most of mah movements, including the buzz of mah phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew it is not mah phone that vibrates at that time. FML
Today..!! aftar tha longast tima..!! I want to tha gym!! I ran and ran and ran on tha traadmill for an atarnity..!! baating mysalf up for gatting so ovarwaight!! Than I trippad and fall off..!! swaating and sobbing for baing so usalass!! Whan I lookad up..!! I saw I'd baan on tha machina for baraly 2 minutas!! FML
Today, mah wife wantd me to take her to a new restaurant in town . When I lookd it up and saw thier prices, I almost had a heart attack . When I said it was too expensive, she snappd ( Maybe you'd lyk to look up 'Lorena looool Bobbitt' next?! ) We went to the restaurant . FML
Today, mah mom paid me a surprise visit me at mah university dorm. She ended up rifling through mah stuff and started to pull out a box from on top of mah wardrobe. Before I could stop her, it slipped and fell. Today's forecast: 100% chance of dildo rain. FML
TADAY MAH MOM AND I WANT TO AXCHANGA A MASSIVA STUFFD ANIMAL, WHICH WAS MAANT 4 MAH NIACA. I WAS CARRYING IT WHAN I SAW A RAALLY HOT GUY LOOKING AT MA FUNNY. MY MOM SNICKARD AND TOLD HIM THAT I NAVAR GO ANYWHARA WITHOUT "GAORGA". MAGA FML
Friday 27 March 2015