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vb68's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
vb68's favorite FMLs
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
by abusedparrot / 08/24/2014 at 8:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by Beeky / 08/22/2014 at 9:14am / United States (Montana) / Work
Today, my parents accused me of being secretive. I have no idea what they're talking about; all I do is work, go to school, sleep, and eat. Now I'm grounded until I tell them what's going on. I have crazy parents, that's what's going on. FML
by up to no-good... / 08/22/2014 at 12:09am / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML
by 919191 / 08/18/2014 at 9:26am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Kids
by ugh thanks / 08/17/2014 at 12:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML
by you ripped them off ages ago / 08/17/2014 at 2:15am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Kids
by Sara777boo / 08/16/2014 at 2:43pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/15/2014 at 10:16pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by kirstyrd / 08/12/2014 at 2:07am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML
by poorman / 08/11/2014 at 3:54pm / United States (California) / Work
by weirded out / 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Work
by mamagelmane / 08/08/2014 at 12:27am / France (Lorraine) / Kids
Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML
by We raised that fool / 08/06/2014 at 9:21am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Kids
by WickedRene / 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm / United States (New York) / Kids
- Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the…