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Today, I was walking through my house when I saw a strange man sitting on my couch. I asked him who he was and he said he was a friend of my mom's. He told me to join him and when I sat down, he punched me in the face and stole my cell phone, wallet, and car keys. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49711) - you deserved it (16549)
On 09/03/2009 at 3:09pm - misc - by robbed (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I thought it would be sexy to surprise my boyfriend by hiding in the closet naked and pouncing on him as he came to get his pants. I never got to the pouncing. Apparently my boyfriend has heightened reflexes so instead I got slapped hard across the face. My ear is still ringing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11438) - you deserved it (37288)
On 09/02/2009 at 7:19am - intimacy - by keepsmiling - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)
Today, while emailing my very young, attractive teacher to ask a question, my hand slipped. Too bad you can't unsend emails that say "Can we meet after school some time? I have some thongs I'd like to discuss with you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30824) - you deserved it (8066)
On 08/31/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6931) - you deserved it (52704)
On 08/30/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by rydawg79 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41351) - you deserved it (5005)
On 08/28/2009 at 2:30pm - health - by minnie (woman) - United States
Today, I quit my job that my girlfriend and I worked together at. Fellow employees are not allowed to date one another and I said it would be ok if I was the one to leave. When I got home to her and told her that I quit, she decided to break up with me. I now have no job and no girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33026) - you deserved it (8920)
On 08/25/2009 at 8:54am - love - by kalazoo21 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year olds do at midnight? FML
I agree, your life sucks (37072) - you deserved it (16918)
On 08/22/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by urmommmm (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12588) - you deserved it (32721)
On 08/20/2009 at 9:23am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, at the gas station I work a lady called wanting to know the "password" and if I was okay. Thinking it was a prank I hung up. A couple of minutes later she called back, this time asking if I could see the cops outside and telling me I'd be alright. I saw four of 'em. I'd hit the silent alarm by accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10511) - you deserved it (26317)
On 08/19/2009 at 3:53am - work - by Keldar (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his family. They were drinking and having fun, so I joined in. I had one too many, got really goofy and then suggested the farting game. "Sorry, I can't hold my liquor!" I quickly explained. My boyfriend's mom shot me a cold look and said, "It's non-alcoholic." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8190) - you deserved it (78114)
On 08/18/2009 at 4:04am - misc - by probably_the_ex_now (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend humping my stuffed rabbit. I thought he was trying to be funny until I saw that he had an erection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52113) - you deserved it (3397)
On 08/16/2009 at 9:58am - intimacy - by bunny (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was looking over the schedule for errors and circled a group of mistakes before handing it to my manager. When she handed it back to me, she gave me a weird look and I immediately noticed that the group of numbers I had circled formed a giant penis shape on the paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32898) - you deserved it (707)
On 08/14/2009 at 1:01pm - work - by dumblond (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, while teaching swim lessons, a boy was holding a noodle and claimed it was his fishing rod. Trying to be fun, I grabbed on and told him to "reel" me in. He then yells out 'YAY, I caught a whale!'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36504) - you deserved it (8819)
On 08/12/2009 at 1:02pm - kids - by guard35 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I finally told my mom I am a lesbian. She started laughing and said 'Good one honey'. I told her I wasn't joking, and she took my face in her hands and said 'You ARE joking!' Then she left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54409) - you deserved it (7171)
On 08/12/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying to call him. When I did, it went straight to voicemail. It was a recording of him breaking up with me. He broke up with me over the phone, without even talking to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46047) - you deserved it (2040)
On 08/11/2009 at 10:05pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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