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varko3000

Offline (the 02/26/2015 at 2:11am) | Search for a member

varko3000

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 291
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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varko3000's page activity

Visits<b>Federgirl</b> - the 05/10/2014 at 10:19am

varko3000's FML badges

Inception

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The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

50 favourites

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varko3000's favorite FMLs

Today, I was lying naked on my boyfriend's bed for the first time ever. He glanced at me, then started playing with a Rubik's cube. FML

#20885155
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53782) - you deserved it (6466)

On 09/17/2013 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by someone (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

#20820496
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70960) - you deserved it (9360)

On 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

#20793994
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57480) - you deserved it (6639)

On 07/20/2013 at 11:45am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

#20763590
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60037) - you deserved it (4762)

On 07/04/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by ugh (woman) - South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal)

Today, my husband finally returned from his 18-month deployment. Sexually starved, we wasted no time getting busy. Later as we finally cooled off, I got a message from my Aunt. She was hiding in our closet the whole time to surprise us with cake for his safe return. FML

#20743795
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83166) - you deserved it (7598)

On 06/24/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by jgtrflynn (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57325) - you deserved it (66260)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

#20612550
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32886) - you deserved it (113143)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend, when she reached over and twisted my nipples to the point of tears. I'm still not sure what in the name of Dawkins I did to deserve that. FML

#20586964
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35838) - you deserved it (13505)

On 04/12/2013 at 7:57pm - misc - by SoreNips (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my creepy co-worker walked up and said, "You know, I was having sex with this girl last night, and I almost said your name." FML

#20570966
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44670) - you deserved it (3127)

On 04/02/2013 at 12:11am - work - by QuinnyZebrass (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a customer came up to me and asked if I knew where the make-up aisle was. I pointed him in the right direction but he just gasped and said, "Oh so you DO know where it is!" and walked away, roaring with laughter. FML

#20562040
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35836) - you deserved it (3487)

On 03/27/2013 at 3:29am - work - by apparentlytoougly (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

#20539287
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49816) - you deserved it (24571)

On 03/11/2013 at 7:33am - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

#20525332
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16963) - you deserved it (35944)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:57am - love - by notapervert - United States (California)

Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML

#20506870
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37774) - you deserved it (8321)

On 02/14/2013 at 6:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Staffordshire)

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

#20494355
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44315) - you deserved it (13077)

On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

#20478275
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35249) - you deserved it (5960)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by great (man) - Puerto Rico



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