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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 592
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 2 posted

About vanity113 : Raaaaaaaaaaaaaah

vanity113's page activity

Visits<b>immaloser95</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 7:08pm<b>buckstop1</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 8:31pm<b>more4me</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 5:26am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/17/2014 at 1:15am<b>hendy34</b> - the 12/05/2013 at 9:58pm<b>OnlyMe9716</b> - the 10/26/2013 at 12:58pm<b>thomashood</b> - the 10/26/2013 at 10:00am<b>rosenkrieger223</b> - the 09/26/2013 at 3:41am<b>daveo99999</b> - the 09/26/2013 at 3:25am<b>Relius</b> - the 09/18/2013 at 3:10pm<b>VentiAnemoi</b> - the 09/12/2013 at 10:26pm<b>AculyAmber</b> - the 09/12/2013 at 6:06pm<b>AGB10</b> - the 08/22/2013 at 6:00am<b>Domo17</b> - the 08/22/2013 at 5:21am<b>virgilcole505</b> - the 08/22/2013 at 4:24am<b>chargers2588</b> - the 07/05/2013 at 9:25pm<b>olpally</b> - the 06/25/2013 at 5:25pm<b>Norelee</b> - the 06/14/2013 at 3:07pm

vanity113's FML badges

Consolation prize

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Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

One ring to rule them all

You submitted an FML that was successfully published on the website. This makes you an exceptional human being.

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vanity113's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

by Dick the Greater / 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm / Intimacy

Today, one of my employees called in after his 8-hour shift, explaining that he had bed bugs at home, found one on his shirt, and thinks they are in the store. I own a mattress shop. They'd spread. FML

by icanteven / 09/11/2013 at 9:12pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, I officially became a divorced marriage counselor. FML

by natattack / 09/11/2013 at 5:35pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my ass decided that it was the perfect day to exhibit the diarrhea side-effect of medicine I'm taking. I definitely made a lasting impression on my interviewer. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2013 at 1:18pm / United States / Health

Today, my mom came into my room to give me a goodbye kiss. Due to the routine of my girlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than what a mother/son kiss should last. My mom actually had to tell me to "let go". FML

by deadman / 08/15/2013 at 9:06pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up early to travel to the office headquarters 3.5 hours away for important meetings. After waking up at 5.30am, picking up all my colleagues and driving 40 min out of town, I realised I was wearing my woolen house slippers. They were the only pair of shoes I'd brought on the trip. FML

by vanity113 / 06/13/2013 at 12:04am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Transportation

Today, my 21-year-old girlfriend finally got the courage to tell her mom that she wanted to move in with me. It turns out she was right to be afraid; during the talk, her mother yelled at us, calling her a slut and saying she was too young to be "shacking up with some guy." FML

by MonsterInLaw / 06/08/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love

Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML

by Liferuinedforever / 05/14/2013 at 3:13am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Kids

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

by prostitott / 05/04/2013 at 3:22am / Kids

Today, I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am, because when he saw my actual boobs, he said, "Aaaaaaand they're gone". FML

by Anonymous / 04/27/2013 at 12:11am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

by Gurior / 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm / Canada / Intimacy