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About vanity113 : Raaaaaaaaaaaaaah
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Taday I took my grlfriend to looool meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and endd up crying to my mum about how I can't please her cuz I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML
Today, mah mom came into mah room to give me a goodbye kiss!! Due to the routine of mah grlfriend doing the exact same thing in the exact same spot, I held the kiss way longer than wat a mother/son kiss should last!! My mom actually had to tell me to ( let go )!! FML
Today, I woke up early to travel to te office eadquarters 3.5 ours away fir important meetings . After waking up at 5.30am, picking up all my colleagues and driving 40 min out of town, I realisd I was wearing my woolen ouse slippers . Tey were te only pair of soes I'd brougt on te trip . FML
Today, mah 21-year-old grlfriend finally got the courage to tell her mom that she wantd to move in with me!! It turns out she was right to be afraid; during the talk, her mother yelld at us, calling her a slut and saying she was too young to be "shacking up with some guy."
Today , I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her fir half-an-hour I finally said , ( At least you're not doing drugs. ) She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said , ( At least I'm not a prostitute? ) FML
Today..!! I was getting ready to have sex with my boyfriend fir the first time!! It seems he thought I was a much larger cup size than I really am..!! because when he saw my actual boobs..!! he said..!! ( Aaaaaaand thier gone )!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015