Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

vanessuhm

Search for a member

vanessuhm

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Sunday 5 November 1995 (18 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 948
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About vanessuhm : Hey, I'm Vanessa, currently a Senior in high school.

vanessuhm's page activity

Visits<b>ohWHALESaye</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 6:21pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 5:52pm<b>sxcthaigirl</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 9:44am<b>jackjackattack3</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 12:22am<b>LaPaisa</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 4:48am<b>maxymum7</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 10:20am<b>DerekCorbett</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 3:27pm<b>moonlightknight</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 3:17pm<b>LolMoqz</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 9:19am<b>teddygrams16</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 8:09pm<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 9:48pm<b>Just_Ya</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 5:33pm<b>Markymark1202</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 10:43pm<b>IceMan11</b> - the 04/04/2014 at 9:04pm<b>pluviophile</b> - the 04/01/2014 at 1:13am<b>ironfey</b> - the 03/16/2014 at 9:52am<b>Mfroz</b> - the 03/14/2014 at 12:18pm<b>sydstoomuch</b> - the 03/12/2014 at 9:11pm

vanessuhm's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of vanessuhm's badges

vanessuhm's favorite FMLs

Today, I taught my girlfriend some French. She then used her newfound language to break up with me. FML

#20932181
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39777) - you deserved it (4259)

On 10/24/2013 at 8:52am - misc - by French - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my father was taking pictures of my friend and me as we got ready for homecoming. After the pictures were taken, he offered to show us. He scrolled one picture too far and ended up showing us a picture of his penis. FML

#20927261
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59384) - you deserved it (4528)

On 10/20/2013 at 9:02am - intimacy - by Female_Lucifer (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, a customer called me "chink eyes", "dog eater", "bloody Chinese communist" and "ching chong." I'm black. FML

#20919376
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52384) - you deserved it (3293)

On 10/13/2013 at 9:14pm - work - by mustabeendrugs (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was so sexually frustrated that I tried getting off with a banana. It was not enjoyable, for me or the banana. FML

#20906275
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33916) - you deserved it (28937)

On 10/03/2013 at 6:46pm - intimacy - by Kyra.45 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my sister came out of her room sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked what was wrong, she put her fingers in my face and asked if they smelled like pickles, and if "that's normal for girls". They did. It's not. FML

#20880468
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42429) - you deserved it (3160)

On 09/14/2013 at 1:42am - health - by Carebeareatu (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while out jogging with my mom, we saw my boyfriend walking in our direction. When we reached him, he took one look at my makeup-less face, then made a huge show of screaming in disgust before calmly walking away. FML

#20880120
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45222) - you deserved it (5009)

On 09/13/2013 at 8:37pm - misc - by -___- (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boyfriend convinced me do an Insanity workout with him. I passed out during the warmup. FML

#20776146
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45070) - you deserved it (11602)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my boyfriend called me pretty. Not because he actually thinks I'm pretty, but because "Hey, how else is a guy supposed to get laid?" FML

#20754112
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53848) - you deserved it (6389)

On 06/29/2013 at 11:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

#20537010
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20484) - you deserved it (59866)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, one of my paintings was accepted into a local art gallery. It would've been a dream come true, had my "best friend" not submitted it under her own name and taken all the credit. FML

#20453750
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37589) - you deserved it (2625)

On 01/11/2013 at 2:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

#20173351
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19952) - you deserved it (3583)

On 11/22/2012 at 1:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML

#20071482
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15308) - you deserved it (25426)

On 09/14/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my 43-year-old brother's obsession with Breaking Bad reached a new level of stupidity when he nearly got us beaten up by a bunch of meth-heads down by our local park. He went up to them with his shaved head and stupid hat, and tried to act all Walter White with them. FML

#20065827
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18293) - you deserved it (1792)

On 09/10/2012 at 2:06am - misc - by NotJessePinkmanFFS (man) - United States (California)

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

#20054806
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22952) - you deserved it (1995)

On 09/02/2012 at 10:07pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend in the bathroom, we heard a knock at the door, then her father's voice. I had to fake constipation noises until he left. FML

#20053940
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22115) - you deserved it (12140)

On 09/02/2012 at 11:38am - intimacy - by scot - United States (Massachusetts)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: