Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

vanessa09865

Search for a member

vanessa09865

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 16 February 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 813
  • Number of comments : 94
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About vanessa09865 : I love to cook and I love my dog. I also love anything LOTR related; I would love to learn Elvish but alas I have not found an Elvish dictionary.

vanessa09865's page activity

Visits<b>computer11</b> - the 12/11/2014 at 7:04pm<b>Zarniclopsindorf</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 11:42pm<b>kittylies</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 4:54am<b>BMXBEAST619</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 1:44am<b>Mrhammer404</b> - the 10/22/2014 at 12:05am<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 9:16pm<b>reject_nation</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 12:24pm<b>tehaustiebear</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 12:11am<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 11:38am<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 3:16pm<b>CptHeinz</b> - the 09/26/2014 at 11:21am<b>FatedB</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 1:04am<b>buckstop1</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 1:25pm<b>Chewbacon</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 10:43pm<b>aron1991</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 5:35am<b>bopersonn</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 2:03am<b>Holmes27</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 2:31am<b>awkwardology</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 8:48am

vanessa09865's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of vanessa09865's badges

vanessa09865's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a water park with a group of friends. As I went down the water slide, some complete turd waffle of a kid in the water kicked his leg out in line with my crotch. The moment I hit the bottom was the moment I think I became sterile. FML

#20709749
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41472) - you deserved it (3059)

On 06/06/2013 at 2:24pm - health - by fuck kids (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend of six days proposed to me. FML

#20708141
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80749) - you deserved it (11167)

On 06/05/2013 at 7:11pm - love - by The Clitshank Redemption (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my parents blew my entire college fund in their quest to finish building their replica Hobbit house in our back yard. FML

#20703566
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59922) - you deserved it (5883)

On 06/03/2013 at 3:22pm - money - by future burger flipper (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65745) - you deserved it (18730)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I uttered the phrase "the pot calling the kettle black" in class. Moments later, I'd been called a "racist twerp" and kicked out of class by the same English teacher who once tried to have another kid suspended for using the word "titillate", because apparently it's "pornographic". FML

#20695090
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47288) - you deserved it (3917)

On 05/30/2013 at 11:20am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, as I was lying on my bed with one of my arms hanging from the side, I felt something sniff my hand from underneath. I don't have any pets. FML

#20688489
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57395) - you deserved it (3948)

On 05/27/2013 at 12:05am - animals - by scared-straight - United States

Today, a friend was put on suicide watch when her parents wouldn't pay $500 for a premium senior picture package. FML

Today, I was leaving my doctor's appointment when a nurse stopped me. She exclaimed, "Wow you are so skinny! What's your secret?" My secret? Having an autoimmune disease. FML

Today, through sheer luck, I got talking to an actor from the Harry Potter films who I've had a crush on since I was about ten. I tried to play it cool, and pretend I didn't know who he was. Then my phone rang, with the Harry Potter theme tune. FML

#20633236
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23033) - you deserved it (41743)

On 04/30/2013 at 6:23pm - misc - by itsellie27 (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML

Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML

#20578916
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36184) - you deserved it (4899)

On 04/07/2013 at 10:51am - work - by confused - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got served paperwork stating that my ex-fiancée is suing me again for child support. About 7 years ago, I proved via DNA testing within the court system that I was not the father the first time. I see a talk show in my future. FML

#20570526
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39221) - you deserved it (2553)

On 04/01/2013 at 7:18pm - money - by haku4u (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML

#20503420
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25204) - you deserved it (3903)

On 02/12/2013 at 8:18am - animals - by Stoopiddogbot (woman) - United Kingdom (Swansea)

Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML

#20501281
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27013) - you deserved it (2563)

On 02/10/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by obsequiousfannyflapper (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML

#20500833
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33706) - you deserved it (2636)

On 02/10/2013 at 11:17am - kids - by littlemiss - Canada (Ontario)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Xmas illustrated FML
  • Here we go, final lap before Christmas is finally upon us. Although, you could say we've been subjected to quite a few strains of Christmas already. The decorations are up since mid-August, and certain family…

Friday 19 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: