About vanessa09865 : I love to cook and I love my dog. I also love anything LOTR related; I would love to learn Elvish but alas I have not found an Elvish dictionary.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, I had to do a presentation in front of my entire school. I was very nervous, so I used the old trick of picturing everyone naked. Everyone then got a good view of my erection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24545) - you deserved it (9703)
On 12/10/2012 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25660) - you deserved it (5292)
On 12/10/2012 at 2:21am - love - by Tonguetied0496 (man) - United States (California)
Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19096) - you deserved it (4159)
On 12/10/2012 at 12:10am - money - by hailey - United States (Maryland)
Today, I decided to talk to a girl at the gym I had seen there a lot. I walked up to her at the station she was at and asked her out to dinner sometime. I didn't realize she had been wearing headphones. She took them off and asked if I was waiting on the station. My courage left. I said yes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14725) - you deserved it (2691)
On 12/09/2012 at 6:34pm - health - by Aaron - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was getting intimate with my current bootycall when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed" "moo-ed" and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16567) - you deserved it (5808)
On 12/09/2012 at 5:46pm - intimacy - by Bug5992 (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9462) - you deserved it (19023)
On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)
Today, I faced a dilemma. If I don't let the cat sleep in my bedroom, she spends all night howling at the door, waking up my 2-year-old in the process. If I do let her in, the dog gets distressed and chews the contents of the bin. If I let both of them in, I have no room to sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12496) - you deserved it (3854)
On 12/04/2012 at 4:19am - animals - by SweetheartSusie (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27946) - you deserved it (2706)
On 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by julia (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, while driving in a funeral procession I was distracted, missed my turn and yelled "God dammit!" I'm the funeral director; the Priest was in the car with me as I led the funeral the wrong way. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11191) - you deserved it (25901)
On 06/14/2011 at 10:23am - work - by patrickalamo - United States (Texas)
Today, my husband told me "The only reason I stay with you is because it's cheaper than paying child support." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32091) - you deserved it (4673)
On 07/30/2010 at 7:34am - love - by Tree (woman) - Sent from mobile version
Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31908) - you deserved it (7306)
On 07/30/2010 at 2:45am - intimacy - by hairless (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I was talking this pretty religious girl that I like. We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyone who would it be. She said Jesus. Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13084) - you deserved it (30693)
On 01/24/2010 at 10:31pm - misc - by Ben (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my parents had a huge fight because my mom found out my dad was cheating on her. They screamed for half an hour. Right in the middle of my wedding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45820) - you deserved it (1494)
On 01/24/2010 at 8:02pm - love - by weddingbells (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML
I agree, your life sucks (177847) - you deserved it (25396)
On 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm - kids - by ....... (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30589) - you deserved it (271341)
On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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