Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

valentinov

Offline (the 02/10/2016 at 6:49pm) | Search for a member

valentinov

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1938
  • Number of comments : 67
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

valentinov's page activity

Visits<b>illestrealist</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 10:14am<b>AlliTheKat</b> - the 05/30/2014 at 8:38am<b>AustinDenton</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 11:17am<b>catchmenow1</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 1:29am<b>josh_avila9</b> - the 05/07/2014 at 2:09am<b>chattysoul890</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 3:50pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 10:36am<b>randomperson111</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 12:43am<b>davered89</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 8:45pm<b>aeore</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 5:30pm<b>cwl727</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 11:33am<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 5:49am<b>chinaski7628</b> - the 03/13/2014 at 5:16am<b>itsjohannna</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 10:10pm<b>joshgwe</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 10:05pm<b>ToxicCandyTree</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 9:57pm<b>ladykitty</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 9:34pm<b>swick25</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 9:28pm

valentinov's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of valentinov's badges

valentinov's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad let me fire one of his guns. This was a big deal because he rarely lets anyone so much as touch them. I was so excited, I forgot about about the recoil. Now I'm in the ER with a broken nose. FML

Today, I received the honorary title of "student of the month," because I'm the only quiet kid during class. Truth is, I just have no friends. I was given an award for being socially awkward. FML

#21483523
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24211) - you deserved it (2353)

On 10/23/2015 at 6:33pm - misc - by AlwaysAfraid (woman) - United States

Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML

#21483245
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25545) - you deserved it (3565)

On 10/23/2015 at 12:05am - work - by Embarrassed ass. (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my little sister thought it would be funny to send my girlfriend a text saying I cheated on her and wanted to break up. Her response was "lol whatever I've been fucking Steve for like a month anyway". Steve is my brother, and he won't admit or deny it. FML

#21475264
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27660) - you deserved it (1953)

On 10/02/2015 at 6:22am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML

#21468418
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25886) - you deserved it (1691)

On 09/14/2015 at 3:54pm - love - by meunluckycharms - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML

#21467953
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27084) - you deserved it (2687)

On 09/13/2015 at 11:34am - work - by anonymous (woman) - Luxembourg

Today, I received a call from my wife. It would've been great if she hadn't left on a business trip 3 years ago. FML

#21467934
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27210) - you deserved it (1487)

On 09/13/2015 at 10:22am - love - by TheLoneSoul - France

Today, my boyfriend told me that I moan too much when we have sex. I actually just fake my moans in an effort to cover the sound of my cracking hips. FML

#21467864
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25901) - you deserved it (5470)

On 09/13/2015 at 2:03am - intimacy - by Ugh - United States

Today, I dropped my toothbrush. Because I have the spatial awareness of a mentally-retarded gnat, I hit my head against the sink as I bent down to get it. Then I did the same on the way back up, almost KO'ing myself. My boyfriend saw the whole thing and nearly pissed himself laughing. FML

#21467535
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23977) - you deserved it (4502)

On 09/12/2015 at 4:11am - health - by dammit (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I asked my teacher if he could tutor me for my upcoming exam. He said he'd look into it and let me know later. I later got called to the principal's office because my teacher claimed I'd propositioned him for sex. FML

#21467271
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25230) - you deserved it (1436)

On 09/11/2015 at 12:34pm - misc - by hale_551 (woman) -

Today, my boyfriend was putting baby powder on my bare ass, when his dad walked into the room, casually set a laundry basket next to the bed, and walked out like nothing happened. FML

#21464906
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24782) - you deserved it (7657)

On 09/05/2015 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by ManderDander (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found my dog drinking out of the toilet. My daughter was next to him, also drinking from the toilet. FML

#21464273
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24093) - you deserved it (2670)

On 09/03/2015 at 9:06pm - kids - by whoevenncares - United States

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

#21462923
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29104) - you deserved it (2327)

On 08/31/2015 at 9:16am - intimacy - by FuckThis (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

#21462491
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28812) - you deserved it (3082)

On 08/30/2015 at 8:13am - misc - by Alice (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my cousin's husband argued adamantly that the Earth doesn't rotate, and treated me like an idiot when I explained why he was wrong. Not even a video from space of the Earth rotating convinced him. This idiot is a teacher. FML

#21460521
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27915) - you deserved it (1679)

On 08/25/2015 at 1:33pm - misc - by Schizomaniac (man) - United States



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: