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v1kt4r's favorite FMLs
by destiny147 / 11/30/2009 at 7:17am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Love
Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML
by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 11:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, some girl punched me in the face and left a huge purple bruise. Apparently her boyfriend has been cheating on her with me because she always sees him walking me home. Her boyfriend is my older brother who didn't bother telling her who I was because "he wanted to see what she would do." FML
by DayamyWuzHere / 11/24/2009 at 5:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML
by Anonymous / 11/24/2009 at 6:44am / United States (Alabama) / Health
Today, my car crashed and the only refuge was at a nearby house, the resident of which was a crazy psycho. Now replace "crazy psycho" with "crazy ex-girlfriend who won't help you unless you compose a poem about how much you love her." FML
by worsethanzombies / 11/23/2009 at 11:40am / Spain (Madrid) / Transportation
by Rejected. / 11/22/2009 at 12:49pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love
by lonewolf2701 / 11/22/2009 at 4:15am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML
by sleepwalker / 11/21/2009 at 8:33pm / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my mom had read my diary because she was worried. She now knows details about my depression, details about my sex life, such as how I lost my virginity, to whom (I don't have a boyfriend), and what condition I was in at the time (drunk as a duck). She also showed my dad. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2009 at 7:56am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Intimacy
by pussystroker / 11/19/2009 at 12:20pm / United Kingdom (Peterborough) / Intimacy
Today, a friend and I attempted to jump the 7-foot high fence around his gated community because he'd left his keys. He made it. I didn’t. My shorts caught on the top of the fence, so I was forced to dangle there on a busy street until my Dad came and helped. But only after taking a picture. FML
by ohjoy / 11/18/2009 at 2:42am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by unsuspcted / 11/17/2009 at 5:58pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, I was the paramedic at the scene of a car accident. One lady was hurt, and we had trouble getting any information from her as she was sobbing. I radioed in the details and said "...a lady in her mid 30's, ETA 10 minutes." She stopped crying, slapped me, and said, "I'm 28." FML
by Paramedic / 11/17/2009 at 6:16am / United Kingdom (Rochdale) / Work
by ShowerheadGirl / 11/09/2009 at 2:06am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was performing an experiment in science class. The prac required me to shake up a test tube filled with different materials. Taking the test tube in one hand, I shook it up and down. My teacher then stood next to me and said, "It's disturbing how good you are at that." FML
by Anonymous / 11/06/2009 at 8:02pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy