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Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34800) - you deserved it (2594)
On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I'm planning my big sister's wedding. My long-term, live-in boyfriend walked by and saw me looking at the wedding tab on Pinterest, smirked, and said, "Don't get your hopes up." I had. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39543) - you deserved it (6140)
On 05/20/2013 at 12:47am - love - by ForeverAlone (woman) - United States
Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (36956) - you deserved it (5075)
On 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37005) - you deserved it (3849)
On 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm - love - by Mr_poole (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my little brother gave me a candy bar for my birthday. After I ate the entire thing, he told me it was Ex-Lax and that I needed it because I'm "so full of shit". FML
I agree, your life sucks (40337) - you deserved it (6826)
On 05/17/2013 at 8:04am - misc - by Unlucky Individual - United States (California)
Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML
I agree, your life sucks (42032) - you deserved it (3912)
On 05/16/2013 at 5:36pm - intimacy - by Urgghh (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner. Things went great, until my grandma arrived. She thought it would be okay to continue our friendly prank war by congratulating me on my "wife's" pregnancy. My girlfriend actually believed it, and now thinks she's the "other woman". FML
I agree, your life sucks (43207) - you deserved it (4501)
On 05/16/2013 at 5:23pm - love - by paging dr. kevorkian (man) - Netherlands
Today, I registered on an irritable bowel support group, unknowingly linking it to my Facebook wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32607) - you deserved it (8788)
On 05/16/2013 at 6:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia
Today, while on an escalator, instead of just telling me my underwear label was hanging out of my jeans, a woman behind me decided to tuck the label in herself. You should never have to feel a stranger's finger on your butt crack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44297) - you deserved it (4238)
On 05/16/2013 at 6:24am - misc - by violatedbuttcrack - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I posted a Facebook status about how I hoped to spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend. A couple of hours later, I saw a comment on it saying he'd never done anything bad enough to deserve that kind of torment. Thanks, mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34296) - you deserved it (7074)
On 05/15/2013 at 12:12pm - love - by lackadaisy_leah - United States
Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44528) - you deserved it (7918)
On 05/15/2013 at 4:08am - misc - by asdffhhjk (man) - Philippines (Manila)
Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38350) - you deserved it (4878) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/15/2013 at 2:58am - misc - by grossesfesses (woman) - France (Picardie)
Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36522) - you deserved it (3408)
On 05/14/2013 at 4:09pm - health - by DrewK (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me straight in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39102) - you deserved it (2941)
On 05/14/2013 at 12:48pm - work - by sumhub94 - United States
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49106) - you deserved it (3290)
On 05/14/2013 at 8:03am - health - by toothache - United States (Illinois)
Monday 20 May 2013
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