Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

uzee

Search for a member

uzee
  • Town/Country : Plovdiv, Bulgaria
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 12 March 1992 (22 years)
  • Number of visits : 3832
  • Number of comments : 44
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About uzee : Life is a moment. It's our job to make it seem like it lasts forever

uzee's last visitors

akosualegendofizzyalexmac222veebitertabrowne898Global_UserFMLprincess023gabylikescheese

uzee's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of uzee's badges

uzee's favorite FMLs

Today, I couldn't get into my car. In an attempt to get in, I broke a window. As I climbed in, the actual owner of the car walked up. Mine was across the street. FML

#14209327
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8913) - you deserved it (38834)

On 12/15/2010 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, whilst pleasuring myself in my bedroom, I began absent-mindedly staring at a spider on the ceiling. It wasn't until the point of climax that I realised that I was, in effect, masturbating over a spider. FML

#14205128
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21178) - you deserved it (19255)

On 12/14/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML

#14199411
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11329) - you deserved it (20534)

On 12/14/2010 at 4:26am - health - by shit (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up to my kids shaking me, saying, "Get up, Santa was here!" I got up to find my TV, computer and MacBook Air all gone. FML

#14191427
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32300) - you deserved it (2750)

On 12/13/2010 at 2:32pm - kids - by crazycora (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, I was about to get on stage for a choir concert, and realized I had no where to put my phone. Running out of time, I tucked it in the front of my dress and got on stage. I should have put it on silent first. FML

#14162171
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6014) - you deserved it (27128)

On 12/11/2010 at 2:12am - misc - by RingRing - United States (California)

Today, I found out my daughter has a higher paid job in the same company I work in. I also found out she is dating my boss. FML

#14160788
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27735) - you deserved it (2678)

On 12/11/2010 at 12:10am - work - by Anonymous - Indonesia

Today, I picked up my friend's new kitten so enthusiastically I scared it and it shat all over me. I literally scared the shit out of it. FML

#14157064
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9801) - you deserved it (18169)

On 12/10/2010 at 7:12pm - misc - by elliekilroy (woman) - United Kingdom (Monmouthshire)

Today, one my friends died. All my crying gave me a headache, so I asked my boyfriend to bring me some aspirin. My headache didn't go away. Instead, I got diarrhea because my boyfriend gave me laxatives instead of aspirin as a "joke" to cheer me up. FML

#14147287
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45002) - you deserved it (2944)

On 12/09/2010 at 9:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I held a presentation about my masters thesis. Turns out, my professor never ever actually read the drafts I'd given him, but decided to rip me to pieces in front of everyone, saying that the topic isn't worth researching. I've been working on it for six months. FML

#14128873
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28519) - you deserved it (2108)

On 12/08/2010 at 5:30am - work - by nograd4mee (woman) - Germany

Today, at my wedding reception, I jokingly asked my aunt, who has always been convinced that I am gay despite my protests, if she believed me now. She took this the wrong way and drunkenly went around telling my guests that my wedding was a sham to convince her I was straight. FML

#14128663
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23861) - you deserved it (4173)

On 12/08/2010 at 4:40am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML

#14124824
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17730) - you deserved it (2744)

On 12/07/2010 at 9:38pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML

#14119620
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9400) - you deserved it (33800)

On 12/07/2010 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by openmouthinsertfoot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML

#14106944
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12944) - you deserved it (21796)

On 12/06/2010 at 12:03pm - misc - by bribreeeeeezyfreshhh (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, a customer tried to pay for a $1.55 cup of coffee with a gift card, but he came up a dollar short. He let another customer through while he fumbled in his pocket for money. I later noticed a dollar had disappeared from my tip jar. FML

#14095339
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20768) - you deserved it (3091)

On 12/05/2010 at 12:36pm - work - by barista (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my brother changed the password on my laptop so that I can't log into my profile. All my notes for school are on it and finals start on Monday. Guess who can't remember the new password. FML

#14080248
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30368) - you deserved it (3181)

On 12/04/2010 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: