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usmc57

Offline (the 09/12/2014 at 8:20am) | Search for a member

usmc57

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  • Number of visits : 190
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

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usmc57's favorite FMLs

Today, my friends thought it would be funny to slip a condom under my pillow at boot camp. The staff found out, I got bitched out for 30 minutes straight, and now I have to put a condom on the grip of any rifle I'm issued for a week. My new callsign is "Love Glove". FML

#21183341
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42507) - you deserved it (4395)

On 06/21/2014 at 5:42pm - misc - by LoveGlove (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I took my driving test. It was all going well until out of habit from driving with my boyfriend, I reached over and held my instructor's hand. FML

#21154900
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43387) - you deserved it (16175)

On 05/28/2014 at 5:12pm - misc - by chevygirl51 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

#21153463
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48306) - you deserved it (6376)

On 05/27/2014 at 2:47pm - misc - by N O - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

#21152151
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46363) - you deserved it (6407)

On 05/26/2014 at 11:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend admitted to my best friend that she basically just sees me as a dildo with annoying emotions. FML

#21138864
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51685) - you deserved it (6998)

On 05/13/2014 at 5:31pm - love - by taintedlover (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

#21060563
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53258) - you deserved it (5047)

On 02/14/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by accident (man) - United States (California)

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML

#21059009
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31537) - you deserved it (47639)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

#21058991
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47126) - you deserved it (17090)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:20am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

#21050725
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35881) - you deserved it (40339)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:48pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

#21035414
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42392) - you deserved it (5698)

On 01/21/2014 at 7:55pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, after arriving home from work I found that my dog took a dump down the air conditioning vents on the floor. Now the whole house smells so good. FML

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

#21011655
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35705) - you deserved it (20452)

On 12/31/2013 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

#20984257
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48376) - you deserved it (4530)

On 12/07/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by bella - United States (Texas)

Today, I forgot I left my tampons in a grocery bag packed with food that I put into the fridge. I realized two hours later while frantically looking for a tampon. I'm still cold down there. FML

#20966555
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39426) - you deserved it (11543)

On 11/22/2013 at 1:53am - misc - by InsertPopcicle (woman) - United States



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