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usarmywife

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usarmywife

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 9 March 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1668
  • Number of comments : 93
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About usarmywife : I like to get on FML when I'm having a bad day. Sometimes, it makes me feel better to know that some other unfortunate soul is having a worse day.

usarmywife's page activity

Visits<b>LucianDracul</b> - the 10/20/2014 at 1:43pm<b>DedicatedNova</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 12:31am<b>xDochx</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 2:30am<b>benjweaver</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 11:01pm<b>maebelline12</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 12:37am<b>troutbum</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 9:13am<b>saf99me</b> - the 04/15/2014 at 3:44am<b>LC3290</b> - the 04/06/2014 at 11:28pm<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - the 02/28/2014 at 5:27am<b>Zaketh2112</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 4:34pm<b>Kershaw45</b> - the 12/25/2013 at 1:04am<b>yellowchocobo</b> - the 12/14/2013 at 1:47pm<b>grogers311</b> - the 12/14/2013 at 9:19am<b>hunteryager</b> - the 12/14/2013 at 9:00am<b>molzipan</b> - the 11/28/2013 at 10:43am<b>Rainhawk94</b> - the 11/28/2013 at 9:22am<b>iloveneil</b> - the 11/10/2013 at 11:00pm<b>Willibobs</b> - the 11/10/2013 at 7:12am

usarmywife's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of usarmywife's badges

usarmywife's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out why I receive random drug tests at work. The safety department was specifically told by my boss to check up on me because I always seem way too cheerful to not be high. I've passed every single test. FML

#21342840
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22778) - you deserved it (1779)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:41am - work - by Ineedlotsofwater (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

#21342800
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32333) - you deserved it (1982)

On 01/23/2015 at 9:58am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

#21338935
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27475) - you deserved it (5662)

On 01/17/2015 at 1:49pm - love - by wounded pride, intact cock (man) - United States

Today, my mom paid me a surprise visit me at my university dorm. She ended up rifling through my stuff and started to pull out a box from on top of my wardrobe. Before I could stop her, it slipped and fell. Today's forecast: 100% chance of dildo rain. FML

#21338507
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30767) - you deserved it (4422)

On 01/16/2015 at 8:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, like every other day at work, I had to listen to people talk about being addicted to sex. I have to treat people for addiction to something I've never even had. FML

#21337533
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29687) - you deserved it (4563)

On 01/15/2015 at 10:12am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I found myself wondering if my sister's jaw makes the same clicking sound when she's giving head as it does when she's eating food. FML

Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML

#21217074
8 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40280) - you deserved it (6579)

On 07/22/2014 at 4:44am - love - by and the truth comes out (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I ate some amazing homemade brownies that my best friend's wife made for us. She waited till I'd shoved a third one into my mouth before she mentioned she made them with breast milk. Knowing her, I don't even doubt it was true. FML

#21014374
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43058) - you deserved it (4625)

On 01/02/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Fife)

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

#21011655
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35875) - you deserved it (20519)

On 12/31/2013 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, my dog has found a new game he likes. It involves him rolling around on my new bed sheets to build up static electricity and run and poke me with his nose so I get shocked. FML

#21008001
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44422) - you deserved it (5330)

On 12/28/2013 at 3:23am - animals - by honeybunny90 - United States (Texas)

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time, after he repeatedly told me not to worry about bleeding, and reassuring me that he'd take care of me. He passed out halfway through. FML

#21002524
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49471) - you deserved it (5965)

On 12/23/2013 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by JoshuasGirl (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I woke up to a loud crashing in the middle of the night. I went to investigate, but found nothing amiss. Nothing except an axe firmly wedged in my front door, that is. It's safe to say that I have no clue who did it, and that I needed a fresh pair of underwear. FML

#20999316
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43846) - you deserved it (2594)

On 12/20/2013 at 4:05pm - misc - by nopissleft (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

#20996030
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54885) - you deserved it (7213)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

#20972170
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31104) - you deserved it (14749)

On 11/27/2013 at 3:44am - health - by MissYouPieceOfSkin (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML

#20968136
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43625) - you deserved it (4375)

On 11/23/2013 at 4:57pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Argentina



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