Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

usarmywife

Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member

usarmywife

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 9 March 1990 (25 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1978
  • Number of comments : 94
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About usarmywife : I like to get on FML when I'm having a bad day. Sometimes, it makes me feel better to know that some other unfortunate soul is having a worse day.

usarmywife's page activity

Visits<b>hillaryhope</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 11:56am<b>jennlody</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 1:00pm<b>nhbasskid13</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 11:22pm<b>maxyutd</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 8:01am<b>Mukuro</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 6:00pm<b>scottyboy417</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 1:40am<b>tommylover842</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 12:22am<b>immaloser95</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 11:48pm<b>colton_colton</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 9:37am<b>AHzulu</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 1:15am<b>CuddlyDino900</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 9:09pm<b>zingline89</b> - the 01/29/2015 at 12:08pm<b>Missythemini</b> - the 01/27/2015 at 11:49pm<b>LucianDracul</b> - the 10/20/2014 at 1:43pm<b>DedicatedNova</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 12:31am<b>xDochx</b> - the 07/27/2014 at 2:30am<b>benjweaver</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 11:01pm<b>maebelline12</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 12:37am

Fucked!<b>Mukuro</b> - the 03/27/2015 at 8:29pm<b>AHzulu</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 6:49pm

usarmywife's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

See all of usarmywife's badges

usarmywife's favorite FMLs

Today, while serving a customer, she told me: "God made you a working class citizen so you could serve! If God wanted you to go to college, he would have made sure you were able to go!" FML

Today, my cat has decided she can't eat unless I'm right there with her, so when she gets hungry she finds me and howls until I follow her to her food dish. She likes to eat pretty frequently, and I'm already getting a headache. FML

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

#21414219
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22855) - you deserved it (2245)

On 05/22/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Kurda (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, was my first experience having sex. It was also my first experience with a condom breaking. FML

#21413990
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28982) - you deserved it (3700)

On 05/22/2015 at 12:27pm - intimacy - by Vexatious - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

#21413854
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26030) - you deserved it (3057)

On 05/22/2015 at 2:55am - intimacy - by zzarzzur (man) - United States (California)

Today, I missed my bus. But it didn't miss me. I've been in the hospital for 8 hours with a broken leg. FML

#21413750
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26607) - you deserved it (1805)

On 05/21/2015 at 9:55pm - money - by FrickingBusDrivers (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

#21412477
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26179) - you deserved it (9464)

On 05/19/2015 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I woke up to my roommates "pet" snake casually lying in bed with me. I then got yelled at for screaming and scaring the snake. Apparently, it's my fault that it bit my chin. FML

Today, one of my idiot co-workers thought it'd be hilarious to "fix" my car while I was working. Now every time I step on the brake pedal, the horn goes off. FML

#21412007
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27735) - you deserved it (2294)

On 05/18/2015 at 2:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

#21411971
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30299) - you deserved it (2912)

On 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML

Today, my 14-year-old daughter told me she's pregnant and plans on dropping out of school to live a life on the road with her boyfriend. FML

#21410693
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38194) - you deserved it (6359)

On 05/15/2015 at 8:50pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my drunk boyfriend decided to wake me up by fingering me. Let's just say going to the ER to get your tampon dug out isn't fun. FML

#21410572
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31354) - you deserved it (2554)

On 05/15/2015 at 3:54pm - intimacy - by nazirah4shizzle (woman) - United States

Today, my grandpa told me he was going to be eating out tonight, and I asked at which restaurant. He replied "Your gran's room." and winked. I didn't need that mental image, at all. FML

#21409445
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30369) - you deserved it (2674)

On 05/13/2015 at 12:00pm - misc - by -_- (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to work at my job as a CNA at a long-term care facility. I'm also on a medication that has a side effect of confusion. I had 3 residents with Alzheimer's tell me to 'get my shit together.' FML



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: