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Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31130) - you totally deserved it (7296)
On 08/13/2009 at 2:17pm - misc - by fearofzombies (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I got my first facebook friend request in 4 months. I also got a message in my inbox. The message said: "Sorry, I thought you were someone else. Just ignore my friend request." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32031) - you totally deserved it (4408)
On 08/13/2009 at 1:21pm - misc - by Jamie (woman) - Denmark (Staden Kobenhavn)
Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38194) - you totally deserved it (1327)
On 08/11/2009 at 11:07pm - kids - by ahhahaha (man) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I went to buy a cake for my daughter's birthday. She really loves Twilight, so I decided to get her a vampire-related cake. I wrote down "fangs" as a decoration. The baker thought it said "wangs". My 10 year old daughter's cake has wangs all over it. Her party is tomorrow morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29268) - you totally deserved it (4973)
On 08/08/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by TheCake - United States (Florida)
Today, I was getting it on with a girl I've been talking to for three months. She's a year younger than me and it was her first time. So, I went easy. After five minutes she started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said I remind her of her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51283) - you totally deserved it (3582)
On 08/06/2009 at 10:03pm - love - by Jeremy (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball strangely rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14229) - you totally deserved it (44166)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41054) - you totally deserved it (1023)
On 08/01/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I told my therapist that I suspected my partner was unfaithful, but I don't think he believed me. "What, did you find a membership card to a sex club in his wallet or something?" he asked. When I got home, I looked in my partner's wallet. I found a membership card to a sex club. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31505) - you totally deserved it (2180) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by thesockmancometh (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (36740) - you totally deserved it (1526) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Herdad (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend told me he was going out tonight to celebrate his ex-but-still-friends-girlfriend's birthday at a local club and hopes I wasn't offended that I wasn't invited. I sure am offended; we have the same birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51606) - you totally deserved it (1608)
On 07/29/2009 at 3:32pm - love - by imscrewed (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my mother invited me to a nice restaurant to meet her boyfriend whom she's been seriously dating for a month. Imagine my surprise when she led me to a table and my boyfriend's father stood up, shocked, to greet me. Rather than being horrified, she is now planning double dates every week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35261) - you totally deserved it (1284)
On 07/23/2009 at 8:52pm - love - by pleaseno (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my coworkers decided to play a game of "Who Can Piss the Boss Off the Most". I opted not to play, but I still won. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32856) - you totally deserved it (3153)
On 07/22/2009 at 5:09pm - work - by PokeTheBear (man) - Canada
Today I was fired from the babysitting job I have had for 2 years. I thought maybe the mother had found out that I sometimes let her kids stay up late and have extra sweets. The real reason, as she told me, was that she didn't want her kids loving anyone more than they love her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37944) - you totally deserved it (1555)
On 07/22/2009 at 8:17am - work - by babysitter93 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my husband and kids celebrated my 50th birthday. I turned 47. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42940) - you totally deserved it (1791)
On 07/22/2009 at 7:29am - misc - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Gelderland)
Today, I came home to find my dad crying. Turns out my parents are getting divorced because my mom had an affair. With a teacher at my school. A female teacher. And the school isn't going to fire her because she's a good teacher. Every day at school I'm going to have to see her. FML
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On 07/22/2009 at 6:43am - love - by mylifereallyISeffed (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
