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Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6033) - you deserved it (15073)
On 01/09/2010 at 1:38am - intimacy - by pervert (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was forced to spend New Years Eve with my strict/conservative parents in the middle of nowhere in Illinois. If I had nothing else, I looked forward to watching the ball drop in NYC. As the seconds counted down the T.V. shut off. Parental controls shut down cable at midnight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26300) - you deserved it (1773)
On 01/01/2010 at 2:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70227) - you deserved it (3935)
On 12/28/2009 at 7:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my 15 year old son told me he had his first kiss. I told him how I was the same age when I had mine, and then I told him all kinds of wild stories about things I did in my childhood and college life. Truth is, I made them all up. I didn't get kissed till I was 24, and laid till I was 28. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26609) - you deserved it (8840)
On 12/06/2009 at 12:34pm - kids - by Sadface (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61664) - you deserved it (9228)
On 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by buhknee - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We where having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21707) - you deserved it (5185)
On 09/28/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by namhtor (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32917) - you deserved it (2148)
On 09/06/2009 at 12:03am - health - by DrunkenValor (man) - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)
Today, I was at the park with my autistic son when I noticed a teenage girl imitating him by flapping her hands and walking on her toes. Fed up with children mocking my son, I went over and sternly lectured the girl's mother. Turns out, her daughter is autistic too and will be in my son's class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33065) - you deserved it (15638)
On 08/25/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went to buy a cake for my daughter's birthday. She really loves Twilight, so I decided to get her a vampire-related cake. I wrote down "fangs" as a decoration. The baker thought it said "wangs". My 10 year old daughter's cake has wangs all over it. Her party is tomorrow morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35831) - you deserved it (6631)
On 08/08/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by TheCake - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to work leaving my girlfriend asleep in my bed. Later she calls me demanding to know how long I've been cheating on her. We don't use condoms but she found several in the bin when she decided to empty it. I had to explain while my colleagues listened that I use them to masturbate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35117) - you deserved it (13677)
On 06/30/2009 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by SimpleSimon (man) - United Kingdom (Herefordshire)
Today, I was accepted to Harvard's law program. Prestigious right? After hearing the good news the only thing my parents talked about over dinner was who they wanted to win American Idol: Adam, Kris or Danny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46073) - you deserved it (3551)
On 05/13/2009 at 8:59pm - misc - by NoComparison (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got approached by a hot young lady in a bar. After joking around for a few minutes she said "hey I love your jacket, where'd you get that?". I then told her that it's actually a replica of the Indiana Jones jacket. This is when she remembered that she "had to go somewhere". FML
I agree, your life sucks (13984) - you deserved it (44923)
On 04/24/2009 at 12:40pm - love - by cole (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I sat next to an attractive punk/rock guy on a plane. I decided to try to impress by playing music I thought he would like. I clicked The Who and opened a large window with the album cover, so he could see. The track then shuffled, and he was face to with a giant image of Miley Cyrus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11154) - you deserved it (96351)
On 03/15/2009 at 12:22am - love - by UH-OH (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, to remind myself to write a check for my speech and debate team (Lynbrook Speech and Debate), I wrote "LSD money" on the back of my hand. The Vice Principal saw it, dragged me to the office, and called my parents. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41484) - you deserved it (11374)
On 03/04/2009 at 2:05am - money - by gonkc (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (177157) - you deserved it (61331)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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