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Today, I picked up a hitchhiker. He was well dressed, and seemed trustworthy. As soon as he got in, he pulled out a gun and stole my wallet and car. All of this occurred in front of a sign warning against picking up hitchhikers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8659) - you deserved it (57411)
On 01/04/2012 at 1:28am - money - by hitchhiked - United States (California)
Today, my mom came home from surgery. Upon arriving home, she flashed a paper in my face and said, "Want to see pictures of my colon?" My eyes are still burning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16309) - you deserved it (1978)
On 01/04/2012 at 1:15am - health - by emsbuffalo - United States
Today, after returning to the UK from my Australian holiday, I was fired from my job for no reason. My boss told me he'd waited till I'd returned to do it. I could have stayed in Australia with my mates traveling for a year if I had been fired before I left. I'm sure he did it on purpose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23214) - you deserved it (1736)
On 12/14/2011 at 11:53am - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, my girlfriend shoved a Q-tip up my ass while I was brushing my teeth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28175) - you deserved it (5005)
On 12/06/2011 at 11:39pm - intimacy - by Surprisebuttsecks? (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31538) - you deserved it (4511)
On 12/04/2011 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my mom, who is relatively new to Facebook, posted on her friend's wall, telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that her wall post was private. Six of my friends liked the post. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27632) - you deserved it (2458)
On 12/03/2011 at 6:23am - intimacy - by djkimmaz - United Kingdom (Cheshire)
Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24544) - you deserved it (2859)
On 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was helping first-graders do school work when one of them stabbed me in the face with a pencil, all because I told her that a three was backwards. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23343) - you deserved it (2676)
On 11/30/2011 at 6:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was at the mall and started singing along to the playing of "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas." A kid glanced at me and said to her mom, "She IS a hippopotamus." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24878) - you deserved it (7206)
On 11/26/2011 at 6:13pm - misc - by Person15 - United States (Indiana)
Today, I found out my parents have a list of everything I have ever Googled. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27968) - you deserved it (5324)
On 11/25/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by 14YearOld (man) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)
Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28124) - you deserved it (5897)
Today, I was practicing my lines for theater class in the hall. My partner and I chose a script where we argue over me stealing her boyfriend. Since it started to sound like a real argument, another student said that I was a "crazy bitch" and punched me in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29499) - you deserved it (3461)
On 11/18/2011 at 8:30am - misc - by hannahk267 - United States (Missouri)
Today, while working the drive-through at Mcdonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" And throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29156) - you deserved it (3685)
On 11/18/2011 at 7:22am - work - by Anothernametaken (man) - United States
Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7116) - you deserved it (22993)
On 11/16/2011 at 7:37pm - misc - by dunicha - United States (Texas)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he suddenly pulls out and says, "Pull my penis." So I pulled his penis and he farted. Then he started doing it again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29468) - you deserved it (5253)
On 11/16/2011 at 12:27am - intimacy - by halloweed (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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