unicornswaag20

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unicornswaag20

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  • Number of visits : 81
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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unicornswaag20's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 3:24am / United States (Montana) / Love

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

by legitweirdo / 01/07/2013 at 11:16pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2013 at 3:01pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2013 at 6:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

by VampObsessed / 01/05/2013 at 12:30am / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss put me on suspension, a week after granting a subordinate time off to recover from surgery. When I signed the paperwork, I was too embarrassed to admit I didn't understand her writing, which apparently said she was getting treated for "dangerously low levels of dick". FML

by offtothejobcentre / 12/31/2012 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

by shattysituation / 12/31/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Work

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

by aelia_oups / 12/31/2012 at 5:09pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2012 at 6:16am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, while helping out at a retirement home, I had to get a book off a bookshelf. When I reached up, my watch got stuck on my shirt, resulting in my shirt lifting up. I just flashed my man-boobs to at least 20 senior citizens, and one of them even asked if he could have a feel. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2012 at 2:58am / United States / Work

Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML

by BAMN2187 / 12/30/2012 at 10:51pm / United States / Work

Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML

by avoid the sour cream / 12/30/2012 at 1:14am / United States / Work

Today, I was racing my friends to the car for shotgun in the parking lot at night. I opened the passenger door of the car to find an old lady staring at me. It was the wrong car. FML

by Anon / 12/28/2012 at 3:14am / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation

Today, my cat had the greatest idea ever: hide inside our Christmas tree and attack anyone who walks past. It would have come as extremely funny to me if I hadn't been her first victim. FML

by DarkDisaster / 12/27/2012 at 5:16am / United States / Animals

Today, I was at Walmart when I saw my grandpa in the next aisle looking at magazines. Wanting to surprise him, I ran up behind him and hugged him around the middle. Up close, I realized he wasn't my grandpa. FML

by Oops / 12/25/2012 at 6:17am / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous