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Today , I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her fir half-an-hour I finally said , ( At least you're not doing drugs. ) She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said , ( At least I'm not a prostitute? ) FML
my grlfriend dumpd me fir cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a grl. Pretty damning, except she loadd it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd usd to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML
Today, I Awoke To My Husband Talking To Someone On The Phone At 2am. I Heard Him Say, ( Baby You're Making Me Hard. ) Immediately, I Asked Himho He Was Talking To. His Response? ( It's Jake, From State Farm. ) Fat FML
YESTERDAY, I WAS AT MAH GRLFRIEND'S HOUSE HAVING DINNER WITH HER AND HER PARENTS. I WAS CASUALLY PLAYING FOOTSIE WITH MAH GRLFRIEND UNDER THE TABLE, UNTIL HER MOM STOPPD EATING AND SAID, "YOU KNOW THAT'S MAH FOOT, RIGHT?" FML
Today I Textd My Boyfriend Saying Tat I Couldn't Wait 4 Im To Get Ome An See My Costume An Tat I Ad Dressd Up As A Nakd Lady. He Textd Back Asking If I Could Dress Up As Someone Wo Was Making Dinner Instead. FML
Today, I told my daughter that she won't be going to her homecoming dance as punishment 4 her terrible grades. She's been crying and singing "If I Die Young" in her room 4 hours. At this point, I don't know if I need to call a therapist or a vocal coach. FML
Friday 27 March 2015