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unhipcircle494's favorite FMLs
Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML
by Anonymous / 04/29/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/29/2015 at 12:06pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Animals
Today, after recently getting my car fully serviced and fixed, the horn has decided to spontaneously beep. To stop the beeping I have to press the horn hard, making it look like I'm purposely doing it to piss people off. FML
by lorb101 / 04/29/2015 at 11:34am / Australia (Victoria) / Transportation
by full bladder / 04/28/2015 at 6:39pm / United States (Florida) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/28/2015 at 12:58pm / United Kingdom (Devon) / Intimacy
by Junkiegamer / 04/27/2015 at 10:20am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, while with a large group of friends, my best friend started talking about my struggles with dating and intimacy. I quietly asked her to stop talking about it, as it was personal and I wasn't comfortable with everyone else knowing. Her response? "Um, it's really none of your business." FML
by guitarki / 04/26/2015 at 2:49pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by queengarmin / 04/25/2015 at 4:42pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I found out that, given the correct velocity, a used condom can actually fly through a tiny window and slap you on the leg. I also found out that when you go to the window to yell at the perpetrator, they might have more ammunition. FML
by Attacksloth / 04/23/2015 at 6:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, it was my 18th birthday and I was told I couldn't get the night off work because a party of 34 had booked into the restaurant. It turned out my family had come in to 'celebrate' by making me wait on them. They were a nightmare, thought it was hilarious to be difficult, and didn't tip. FML
by Anonymous / 04/23/2015 at 8:28am / United Kingdom (Dundee City) / Work
Today, while going down on my boyfriend, I must have gotten a little too enthusiastic because I ripped my tongue's frenulum. We then awkwardly went into the bathroom. While he was washing the blood off his penis, I was hung over the toilet bowl puking because blood makes me woozy. FML
by cookies1616 / 04/22/2015 at 11:50pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
by biomajor99 / 04/22/2015 at 5:46pm / United States (New York) / Health
Today, I started work cleaning a customer's pool. I think her husband watches too much porn because he keeps glaring at me from the windows, and I overheard him telling his wife that he knows what's "going on" and that he's "not gonna let it happen". FML
by cock blocked / 04/22/2015 at 11:44am / United States (California) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/22/2015 at 10:14am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML
by Phabia / 04/20/2015 at 8:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Health