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unhipcircle494's favorite FMLs
Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML
by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 10:01am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, I got stopped by people asking for donations for their charity services. Being who I am, I hate saying no to people, so I told them "I don't have any money, only my card." Did you know they also accept payment by card? FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2015 at 9:22pm / Australia (Victoria) / Money
by Swabidizop / 05/18/2015 at 4:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I had an outdoor meeting with some important clients. It wasn't until the meeting was over that my coworker decided to inform me that I had bird poop in my hair "pretty much the entire time." FML
by lily_marleen / 05/17/2015 at 5:27pm / Germany (Bayern) / Work
by SOTS4335 / 05/16/2015 at 6:16pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
by sheldon103 / 05/16/2015 at 1:18pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation
by JillianJuneBug / 05/16/2015 at 12:16pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
by yif2 / 05/16/2015 at 7:47am / United States / Animals
Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML
by nityasomaiya / 05/16/2015 at 1:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML
by Anonymous / 05/15/2015 at 9:17pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by that was mine / 05/15/2015 at 6:26pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money
by hendrixisgod86 / 05/15/2015 at 2:48pm / United States (Florida) / Transportation
Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML
by HiddlePuff / 05/14/2015 at 8:42am / Australia / Work
by ptarr12345 / 05/14/2015 at 12:26am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids