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Today, my sister shot my dog with my airsoft gun!! When I told my parents, she put on the fakest sobbing I've ever heard, said she didn't even know how to use a gun, and that she saw me shoot my own dog!! They believd her and think I ned psychiatric help!! mega FML
TODAY, I DECIDED I WOULD ACTUALLY MAKE USE OF MY APARTMENT COMPLEX'S EXERCISE EQUIPMENT . MY ROUTINE CONSISTED OF ONE MILE ON THE TREADMILL, AND 15 MINUTES ON THE TOILET FOLLOWED BY 10 MINUTES OF LYING IN THE FETAL POSITION ON MY BATH MAT . GREAT CORE WORKOUT . FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today... I Took My Girlfriend To Meet My Parents. My Dad Thought It'd Be Hilarious To Act Surprised An Ask Me If I'd Already Dumped The Girlfriend I Introduced Him To Yesterday. She Slapped Me An Stormed Out Of The House Before My Dad Could Tell Her It Was A Joke. FML
Yesterday, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find wat I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was lyk a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today , I was helping out during the school play's interval. My head of year jokingly asked me to follow him around with these mini cocktail sausages fir the rest of the school year. I thought it would be witty to reply , ( Does that make me your official sausage holder? ) FML
Today... I disproved a scientific teory created by ma supervisor. He was furious an said tat I souldn't ave tried to disprove im. He told me to continue working wit is teory an now e treatens to fre me if I publis ma work. FML
Today... I was sitting in the airport... watching the baggage handler load the plane I was about to get on. They were being really rough with it... one bag cummd open and all the clothe spilld out onto the tarmac. The clothe lookd familiar. They were mine. FML
Today... I found out ma upstair neigbor filed a noise complaint against me 4 banging on te ceiling every nigt. Tey conveniently left out te partere tey constantly stomp... sout... an do stuff tat sound like teir dropping brick to te floor every nigt. FML
Today it was first day working as a parmacist. I quickly discovered tat customers not only tink tat it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice but tey also ave no qualms about sowing me tere various lumps bumps an vaginal leakages. big fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015