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unhipcircle494

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unhipcircle494
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 14 December 1998 (15 years)
  • Number of visits : 258
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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unhipcircle494's favorite FMLs

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with play-doh and made a sculpture that resembled a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

#21069587
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40626) - you deserved it (4822)

On 02/23/2014 at 5:27pm - kids - by hot sweet.... not (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML

#21067130
269 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46997) - you deserved it (3522)

On 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm - misc - by BakedBat (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

#21066497
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42125) - you deserved it (4477)

On 02/20/2014 at 12:45pm - misc - by begging for air - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

Today, my brother and I took our cars to get oil changes. While we were there, a guy asked if we were dating. When we told him we were siblings, he responded with, "So?" FML

Today, my brother and I took our cars to get oil changes. While we were there, a guy asked if we were dating. When we told him we were siblings, he responded with, "So?" FML

Today, I was singing while driving through the car park. I blacked out trying to hit a high note, and ended up bashing into another car. FML

#21063366
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21556) - you deserved it (37669)

On 02/17/2014 at 12:43pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my husband cracked a "rectum? damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

#21062405
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36547) - you deserved it (3839)

On 02/16/2014 at 12:30pm - misc - by shanti (woman) -

Today, I aced my solo during my band concert. My parents were asleep the whole time. FML

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

#21059471
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44167) - you deserved it (5976)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

#21058991
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45017) - you deserved it (15887)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:20am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML

#21057082
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39200) - you deserved it (6108) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/11/2014 at 5:01am - work - by norina (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was at the library, working with some classmates on our major semester project. I accidentally killed power to the row of computers by me. I've never had so many enraged faces looking at me before. FML

#21052823
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32719) - you deserved it (13590)

On 02/06/2014 at 10:07pm - work - by AnonymousQuagga - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML

#21052599
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42037) - you deserved it (3689)

On 02/06/2014 at 6:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I'm a little over a month pregnant. My fiancé has decided that if we both act like I'm not pregnant, "the baby will get the hint and go away". FML

#21050194
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51233) - you deserved it (5869)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:50am - kids - by LadyDeadpool88 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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