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unhipcircle494's favorite FMLs
Today, as my brother parked in our hotel's parking lot, I told him to be careful because the car wasn't straight. He retorted, "Yeah, just like you". My mother was in the back seat and heard everything. I hadn't come out yet. FML
by Anonymous / 02/05/2016 at 7:37am / Australia (Queensland) / Transportation
by onlyjuggalos / 01/31/2016 at 3:13am / United States / Work
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
by Anonymous / 06/19/2015 at 9:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was about to leave for my honeymoon with my new husband, when he saw my deodorant in my bag. He picked it up and asked what it was. When I said it was deodorant, he gave me a confused look and said "girls don't wear deodorant". He actually believed that. FML
by stanky / 06/19/2015 at 10:47am / United States (Ohio) / Health
by THANKS / 06/19/2015 at 4:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/18/2015 at 8:36am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML
by RecentCollegeGrad / 06/17/2015 at 2:09pm / Kids
Today, my co-worker told me how "lucky" I am that I "chose" to be a lesbian, because I don't have to deal with "guy drama". I spent two years of my adolescence sleeping at a bus stop and begging strangers for money after I got kicked out of home. FML
by Lesbihonest / 06/17/2015 at 9:31am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML
by afather / 06/14/2015 at 9:41am / United States (South Dakota) / Kids
Today, I slept through my alarm and decided to call in sick. After falling back asleep, I woke up to my younger brother robbing my kitchen. It seems he's been doing this for weeks, every time I leave for work. He won't even give it all back. FML
by queenbee / 06/14/2015 at 9:31am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by thanks for the $5 gift voucher / 06/13/2015 at 12:34pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, my neighbor's son siphoned the fuel out of my lawn mower and put it in his car. What he didn't realize is that the fuel mixture I use in my lawn mower would ruin his car engine. His dad says it's my fault and actually insists I should pay his pissant son's repair bill. FML
by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 8:42am / United States (Maryland) / Money
by BrakesNotBumpers / 06/12/2015 at 5:09pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation
by lolatmylovelife / 06/11/2015 at 4:51pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, a customer yelled, "I'll bash your fuckin' face in, cunt" at me at 9:30am because we don't serve the lunch menu at breakfast time. Yes, the 15-year-old girl in high school is responsible for McDonald's entire menu. FML
by McFuckYouTooCunt / 06/11/2015 at 9:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, it was me and my husband's anniversary. He was at work, so I decided to dress up "sexy". You… Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry… Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched…