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unfortunatewsy's favorite FMLs
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, the kids in the pool decided to start a new game. The game involved spreading out to different parts of the pool and pretending to be drowning at the same time. Whoever was "saved" first, won. FML
by zain / 06/04/2011 at 2:15am / United States (Texas) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/03/2011 at 9:46pm / United States / Intimacy
by Username / 02/13/2011 at 4:06pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was visiting my boyfriend, who lives 2 hours away. After about twenty minutes of glorious sex, he told me in no uncertain terms that he was about to come. He then "baaa"d like a sheep as he came. I couldn't come after that. FML
by seriously / 10/02/2010 at 4:31pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by VahnSeiro / 02/20/2010 at 1:04am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Icy / 10/01/2009 at 2:59am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, my 15 year old sister came home at 4am totally stoned. My parents treated her really nicely and woke me up. I'm now grounded until I go college for being a bad influence. I volunteer at schools to talk about abusing drugs. FML
by BigSister / 09/13/2009 at 2:19pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Kids
Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML
by Casden / 09/13/2009 at 11:57am / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML
by Udxero / 09/10/2009 at 3:51am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
by mandy / 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Love
by Ella / 07/23/2009 at 10:26pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by thedogkisser / 06/06/2009 at 3:44pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my ex-girlfriend's number. She texted back, "One of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML
by 1suckatL1fe / 05/04/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML
by Anonymous / 04/25/2009 at 12:13am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, my friend and I were seeing a movie. We ended up sitting next to a man who was continually laughing, clapping, and bouncing up and down on his seat. Extremely annoyed, we turned to him and told him to "shut the fuck up". Turns out he had downs syndrome and ran out of the theater crying. FML
by katem / 04/16/2009 at 1:08am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…