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Today, mah girlfriend puttd a paper bag over mah headhile we had sex. Her reason? Because she think she is so good in bd she was worrid I'd hyperventilate due to all the excitement. Instead I faintd due to lack of oxygen after three minutes. mega FML
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I had only been dating him for about a month. Thinking he wouldn't take it very hard, I invited him over so I could tell him in person. Little did I know he was going to start crying on my couch and not leave for 5 hours. mega FML
Today, On The Bus, A Delusional Old Man Had An Extremely Long Conversation With Me, Referring To Me As ( Leslie ) An Talking About ( Our Childhood Together ). Not Wanting To Hurt His Feelings I Playd Along. At His Stop He Got Up An Grinnd At Me, Saying ( I'm Kidding. I Never Knew A Leslie In Mah Life. Nice Rack. ) FML
yesterday I spent 2 ours making te perfect card 4 my dad 4 Fater's Day. Wen I andd it to im... e smild and said "Tank you" and ten killd a fly wit it. I found it in te tras a couple of ours later. real FML
yesterday I purchasd an app to track mah period . When mah mother askd mehy I got it.. . I told her I was going to use it so I knewhen to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie . She slappd me in the face and calld me a drty prostitute and a liar . FML
Friday 27 March 2015