About underyourbreath : It's a shame that stupid breeds faster and is harder to kill off.
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underyourbreath's favorite FMLs
Today, it was my little girl's birthday and her grandparents came over to celebrate. One of the presents from her grandparents turned out to be a sweater. She then asked, "Mommy, may I please lie?" When I shook my head no, she exclaimed, "I hate this ugly sweater!" FML
by Lisaaa / 10/27/2010 at 7:47am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I found out I received a "D" on my ethics exam, not because I did not know the information or did not follow the correct guidelines for writing the moral arguments, but because according to my professor my moral values are wrong. FML
by ecuboy / 10/26/2010 at 12:49pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the library to pick up Romeo and Juliet, for my English class. After looking around for half an hour, I asked the librarian. "I couldn't find Shakespeare anywhere. Where could I find him?" She quickly replied "He's dead", giggled to herself, and went back to her work. FML
by skippy_liz / 10/26/2010 at 3:48am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/23/2010 at 5:07am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
Today, after a heated debate with my friend on whether blondes are naturally stupid, I convinced her that I'm actually quite intelligent, and poured myself a glass of juice in victory. After finishing the glass, instead of returning the bottle back to the refrigerator, I put it in the cupboard. FML
by Blondie / 10/22/2010 at 4:37pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
by gross / 10/20/2010 at 12:14pm / Australia / Love
Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2010 at 3:00am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I temporarily got off the bus for the other students to get off, because they push and shove along their way. Then the bus driver closed the door on me and drove off. My laptop was on that bus. FML
by Anonymous / 10/19/2010 at 6:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
Today, at my new job, I was answering the phone and said "Hello Cafe Thirty, how may I help you?" The man on the other line said "Don't you mean Old Town Cafe?" Cafe Thirty was my old job. I now work at Old Town Cafe. The man on the other line was my boss. FML
by andibartle / 10/18/2010 at 12:39am / United States (Oregon) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/17/2010 at 2:28am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 9:42am / Reserved / Work
Today, my crush walked me home. As my mom opens the door, she tells me in Russian how ugly he is, and that I have extremely bad taste. Out of all the languages in the world, he happens to be fluent in Russian. FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 10:45am / Brunei Darussalam / Love
Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2010 at 12:12am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, I started college after a night out. I'd got tipsy at the club and started dancing with a cute guy. He asked for my number. I didn't want to give it to him, so I gave him a rejection number. Guess who's the new professor for my bio class? And yes, he recognized me. FML
by Anonymous / 10/12/2010 at 7:51pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/10/2010 at 5:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health