About underyourbreath : It's a shame that stupid breeds faster and is harder to kill off.
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underyourbreath's favorite FMLs
Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 12:13am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, at a concert, my friend grew tired of holding her bag. She asked a man to hold it, saying that he wouldn't steal it "since it was hers". I quietly told her she was too naïve and irresponsible. After the concert, I got home and noticed my wallet was stolen instead, right out of my pocket. FML
by Anonymous / 12/04/2010 at 12:37am / United States (Ohio) / Money
Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn't talked to in two years come online. I IM'ed him, only for him to respond, "I haven't responded to any messages of yours in over a year. Most people would get the hint." FML
by wingless_angel_7 / 12/02/2010 at 6:43pm / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
by leilei / 11/29/2010 at 7:25pm / Philippines / Health
by Anonymous / 11/26/2010 at 12:31pm / United States (Ohio) / Geek
Today, I went to see a famous rapper perform. My girlfriend got us up to the front to get pictures with him. He went to give me a high-five, I thought it was a fist-bump, so I made a fist. So he made a fist while I made a palm to match his retracted high-five. Then I panicked, cupped his fist and ran. FML
by blackitalian / 11/26/2010 at 10:43am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a public washroom and I had to take a dump. I knew how dirty the toilets were, so tried to do the "stand and poo." Unfortunately, I slipped and the poo fell on the ground. Then I realized there were no paper towels. There was a line outside waiting. FML
by sweet_stufz / 11/11/2010 at 8:30am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by Anonymous / 11/08/2010 at 5:55am / Turkey (Istanbul) / Animals
Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2010 at 8:13pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I had a job interview. When I got there, the lady interviewing me shook my hand and said, 'Hello, I'm gay.' I found this strange and I didn't know what to say, so I stated, 'Aw, it's OK, I support you.' She looked pretty offended, and I realized why when I found out that her name was Gaye. FML
by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 5:18am / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, while setting up for a party I was having, I put black lights into our bathroom for the cool bright, neon color you get when you pee. When I turn them on to see where I need to continue cleaning, I see many, small, yellow hand prints on the walls. I have a nine year old brother. FML
by Anonymous / 10/31/2010 at 5:05am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/30/2010 at 10:00am / Japan (Tokyo) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/30/2010 at 1:07am / New Zealand (Taranaki) / Kids
by Florida / 10/27/2010 at 2:46pm / United States (California) / Animals
- Today, I accidentally sent my chemistry teacher, the man I also asked for a college recommendation… Today, a customer flipped out because we are fundraising for the American Lung Association, and she… Today, my science teacher called me down during class. He told me my grade was horrible and that my…