About underyourbreath : It's a shame that stupid breeds faster and is harder to kill off.
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underyourbreath's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 10:35pm / United States (New York) / Work
by Anonymous / 12/29/2010 at 12:20am / United States (California) / Kids
by ewicsmelly / 12/28/2010 at 9:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, my friend compared my hair color to hers. Also, she braided my hair (two pieces) with hers (one piece). I asked her why and she finally broke down and told me. She has lice and didn't want to be the only one. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2010 at 3:12am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/24/2010 at 10:12am / United States / Money
Today, my recently married friend took off her wedding ring to make bread. Being single and pathetic, I tried it on to see what it would look like. It got stuck on my finger. The ER doctor had to cut it off. FML
by lisa / 12/22/2010 at 1:03pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML
by screwed / 12/22/2010 at 12:56pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by morenita27 / 12/20/2010 at 8:52pm / Canada / Work
Today, while registering at the grocery store, a customer came into my lane with a 100 piece boiled shrimp platter. Feeling hungry, I muttered "nom nom" under my breath. The old man called my supervisor. Apparently I called him a moron. FML
by Anonymous / 12/20/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Florida) / Work
by synyster505 / 12/19/2010 at 12:41am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML
by carson28 / 12/16/2010 at 9:23pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, as I spent my last $6 on groceries, the woman at the register gave me a dirty look because I declined to donate $1 to a children's charity. My six year old son immediately chimed in with, "Mommy, why aren't you helping the poor children?" FML
by Anonymous / 12/16/2010 at 12:49am / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a dump. It's difficult for me to do it in public, so to make it easier I kept telling myself "Nobody's here, you're all alone." I then heard "No, you're not." I didn't realize I was saying it out loud. And that I wasn't alone. FML
by shit / 12/14/2010 at 4:26am / United States (Colorado) / Health
Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML
by Christopher / 12/13/2010 at 4:16am / Canada (Alberta) / Health
Today, I spent ages looking for a parking space at the mall. I saw a couple walking out of the mall and decided to follow them and take their space when they left. After following them for a good ten minutes, I realised they were heading to the bus stop. FML
by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 4:55pm / United Kingdom / Transportation
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, while my wife was watching me get undressed she said "Bloody hell, you really are getting a… Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are… Today, I had to set parental controls on my iPad so my dad couldn't watch dirty videos on Youtube.…