About underyourbreath : It's a shame that stupid breeds faster and is harder to kill off.
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underyourbreath's favorite FMLs
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. FML
by mom21 / 02/08/2011 at 12:46pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I went to go use an automatic cart in Walmart because I broke my hip in January. They were all being used by morbidly obese people throughout the store. I asked a manager if she could get me one, but apparently their weight issues are more impeding than my broken hip. FML
by LimpMcgee / 02/06/2011 at 9:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Health
Today, while waiting for a job interview, a woman sat down next to me and asked if I was here for the job too. Thinking she was also an applicant, I tried to demoralise her, and said the job was going to be a complete joke. With that, she stood up and said, "Do you still want to go into my office?" She was the interviewer. FML
by parker1993 / 02/03/2011 at 1:53pm / United States / Work
Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
by Malakai / 02/02/2011 at 12:57am / United States / Kids
Today, I went to the doctor's office for an appointment. After waiting for ages, I asked the receptionist what the delay was. Apparently, I had no standing appointment today. This is coming from the same receptionist who checked me in nearly two hours ago. FML
by ihateoldmagazines / 01/27/2011 at 4:31pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, at work, whilst on hold to an important client, I said to my co-workers "F*cking hell, this woman sounds high as a kite". I heard a cough on the other end of the phone. All calls are recorded. FML
by GHTD / 01/27/2011 at 6:20am / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Work
Today, I was denied food stamp assistance. Apparently, you need to work 20 hours a week while being a full time student to qualify or have a work study. I was recently suspended from my work study for calling off because my aunt died, and if I worked 20 hours a week, why would I need food stamps? FML
by Anonymous / 01/26/2011 at 9:41am / United States (New York) / Money
by Braelynn / 01/26/2011 at 2:48am / Kids
by nmaidkieavg / 01/25/2011 at 1:13am / Miscellaneous
Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML
by fianceeless / 01/20/2011 at 8:15pm / United States (California) / Love
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Love
Today, I was on a plane. When my flight attendant brought me my drink, it had a lid and a straw. He told me, very seriously, "not to spill." No one else got a lid. I'm 18, and apparently I look spill-prone. FML
by thisisme / 01/16/2011 at 8:37pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 9:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by curlyisnogood / 01/09/2011 at 7:19pm / Health
Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, "You deserved to get hit - you park like an asshole." Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML
by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 3:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
- Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I’m a student in China, and I attended a welcoming party for the new students. It consisted… Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the…