About underyourbreath : It's a shame that stupid breeds faster and is harder to kill off.
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underyourbreath's favorite FMLs
Today, feeling social, I went to a bar. During a trip to the dimly lit restroom, I fixed my makeup, and carefully penciling my sparse eyebrows. After an evening of meeting new people, I went home. In my well-lighted restroom, I discovered that my eyebrow pencil was actually my bright red lip liner. FML
by 2classicNot2 / 04/09/2011 at 3:52am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
Today, a guy who annoys me walked over. To avoid speaking to him, I pretended to be on the phone and he walked away. A few moments later, my phone rang. I looked around to see if he'd seen me. He had. He was the one ringing me from down the hall. FML
by Anonymous / 04/07/2011 at 9:28am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/27/2011 at 2:41pm / United States (North Carolina) / Geek
by radiationkillz / 03/21/2011 at 12:25am / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I was riding to a prom with my friends in the middle of a swamp-covered area. I stuck my head out the top and screamed like they do in the movies. My hair, makeup, and mouth were quickly filled with bugs. FML
by iAMloud / 03/18/2011 at 10:29pm / United States / Health
Today, I went on a date, the first one I've been on since my last boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were in a restaurant, and at the end of meal he insisted on paying the bill. He wanted to leave a 15% tip but couldn't work out in his head how much to leave. The bill was for £100. FML
by Anonymous / 03/16/2011 at 1:20pm / United Kingdom (London) / Money
Today, I was driving in stop and go traffic and passed two accidents in the process. I got nervous and decided to change routes to avoid getting hit. As I was trying to find an alternative route on my GPS, I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML
by dumbluck / 03/16/2011 at 2:54am / United States / Transportation
Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML
by Anon / 03/10/2011 at 10:08am / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
Today, while sleeping, I heard an explosion. My neighbor then knocked on my door and informed me that he had just hit my car with shrapnel from a cannon. Not only do I not have a car to drive, but I also have to put this claim on my insurance due to my neighbor being on welfare. FML
by Anonymous / 03/05/2011 at 7:30pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was telling my students that it's unnecessary to put arrows on the bottom of the page to tell me there's work on the back, I check it anyway. At the end of the day, at least 6 kids came up to me asking to change their grade because I forgot to grade the back. They hadn't put arrows. FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 8:52pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
by stupiddrunk / 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health
Today, I realized that as a result of working in an office which has an oddly-placed window, the direct sunlight has caused the left side of my face to become significantly darker than the right. Just call me Harvey Dent. FML
by Anonymous / 02/11/2011 at 1:15pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML
by Samyett / 02/09/2011 at 2:22pm / United States / Love
- Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, my 12-year-old daughter is a Nirvana fan, while my 20-year-old son is a Justin Bieber fan.…