About underyourbreath : It's a shame that stupid breeds faster and is harder to kill off.
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underyourbreath's favorite FMLs
by meyo555 / 06/02/2011 at 5:45am / United States (Nebraska) / Health
by OopsKid / 05/30/2011 at 2:14pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I made a fresh juice for a customer. He called the cops because the juice was too acidic for him. He sat in a corner and waited for two hours for them to arrive. Obviously, they didn't turn up. So he yelled at me and left. FML
by Alice / 05/27/2011 at 1:46am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, I went to a restaurant and sat at the last available table, which had a seat available across from me. A cute girl approached and asked if she could sit down, so I said "Sure" and made some room. She then asked "You're leaving, right?" FML
by StatusSearch / 05/26/2011 at 7:36pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that "it's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML
by BurnedByAWaiter / 05/24/2011 at 9:59am / Miscellaneous
by Fatty1970 / 05/22/2011 at 9:33pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by quickfingers100 / 05/22/2011 at 5:31am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, my crush and I were talking on the phone and we were really hitting it off. We got on the subject of sex and I told him I have a purity ring. Then he suddenly said he had to go and hang up. FML
by Cassie / 05/21/2011 at 3:44am / United States (Kansas) / Love
Today, I noticed this guy crying in the park. I went up to him to see what was wrong. Apparently his girlfriend broke up with him, and he also said he wanted to kill himself. My first response was "Don't, you'll regret it later in life". FML
by alopez1994 / 04/21/2011 at 1:28am / Miscellaneous
by killercow / 04/19/2011 at 12:19pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my high school guidance counselor tried to convince me NOT to go to college, mainly because it's been so long since someone from my high school went to college, that she got rid of all the college information she used to have. FML
by CollegeBoy / 04/13/2011 at 9:07am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came out to my parents. They nodded empathetically throughout my entire speech and told me repeatedly that it was okay. As I smiled and stood up, my dad asked, "But you're still going to marry a guy, right?" FML
by Anonymous / 04/13/2011 at 6:19am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I've been on the same train for two hours at a standstill due to "signal problems". We can't get off because it's "unsafe". I'm on my way home from work and I can see my house through the window. FML
by bananaman / 04/11/2011 at 4:07pm / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation
by Sid / 04/09/2011 at 8:58pm / United States (California) / Animals
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…