underyourbreath

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underyourbreath

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 27 February 1989 (27 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3203
  • Number of comments : 104
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About underyourbreath : It's a shame that stupid breeds faster and is harder to kill off.

underyourbreath's page activity

Visits<b>Xatraris</b> - the 07/03/2016 at 1:23am<b>Zatert</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 11:39pm<b>GoPats87</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 1:08am<b>10220706</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 1:18pm<b>Rich531</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 7:24pm<b>Dr_Awesome654</b> - the 12/14/2015 at 12:23am<b>derpman123</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 11:00pm<b>LoveNnyl</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 10:31am<b>blues_traveller</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 12:05am<b>user109012</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 5:59am<b>Eyeslick</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 12:03pm<b>Wondermage</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 11:51am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/02/2015 at 3:42pm<b>OSU0821</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 7:16pm<b>ToxicTyrael</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 5:08pm<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 2:06pm<b>Hieroglyph</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 3:41pm<b>Celeden</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 10:48pm

Fucked!<b>Xatraris</b> - the 07/03/2016 at 7:23am<b>ToxicTyrael</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 11:08pm<b>derp_taco</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 5:56pm

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Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

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underyourbreath's favorite FMLs

Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter, who is 18, asked me why the lights on the car still worked. FML

by OhDeary / 08/01/2011 at 4:18pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML

by ninja_blasphemer / 07/25/2011 at 3:24pm / Ireland (Wexford) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML

by mathii / 07/23/2011 at 7:52pm / Love

Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML

by Username / 07/23/2011 at 5:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML

by John / 07/20/2011 at 12:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I discovered that when you buy ropes, duct tapes, a shovel, razor blades, a fire poker, and a carton of cigs, the police can turn up and search your house for 'prisoners'. Those items were actually coincidental. FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2011 at 9:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my tonsils swelled to roughly the size of golf balls. My mom refuses to take me to the hospital because she's convinced I got it from kissing someone, and until I "fess up", she's not budging. FML

by Eden / 07/14/2011 at 4:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I peeked through my window and trained a pair of binoculars on my neighbour's house. Every night without fail, he ends up standing in front of his window topless to flex his muscles. This time, I was surprised to instead find a note taped to the window saying, "Sorry, I'm out tonight." FML

by Anonyme / 07/08/2011 at 8:11pm / Love

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML

by blondetergent / 06/20/2011 at 4:12am / Singapore / Love

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

by techiefIve / 06/14/2011 at 6:04am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, Twilight once again won all the awards at MTV, beating out Inception, Toy Story 3, Harry Potter, etc. This is MY generation. FML

by KillMeNow / 06/06/2011 at 2:27am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML

by kringr / 06/05/2011 at 8:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

by PizzaBoySwag / 06/04/2011 at 5:36am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday". He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML

by xmeatballx21 / 06/03/2011 at 5:57am / United States (South Dakota) / Work