About underyourbreath : It's a shame that stupid breeds faster and is harder to kill off.
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underyourbreath's favorite FMLs
Today, this weird girl started texting me. I really didn't want to talk to her, so I texted back, "This message could not be delivered because of a temporery network setup error. Error 2128-226110." She replied, "You spelt temporary wrong." FML
by tommyboy783 / 10/19/2011 at 9:38pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Missouri) / Animals
by planking champion / 10/17/2011 at 6:05pm / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/16/2011 at 12:22am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my mom left for a business trip. Thinking it was a good time to throw a party, I mass messaged everyone on my contact list. I thought it was going to be a success. The problem with this? My mom is on my contacts list. She replied "I'll be home in an hour. You're grounded." FML
by mass message / 10/15/2011 at 8:47pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML
by adieuvelib / 10/14/2011 at 9:53pm / France / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/14/2011 at 10:41am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom took a bright red sharpie and drew a red circle just above my breasts. She said, "If I can see this, ever, your shirt is either too low cut or too see through and it will be thrown away." FML
by Cassandra / 10/13/2011 at 8:10pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Pookaa / 10/05/2011 at 7:48pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a job interview. The only moment I impressed the interviewer was when I talked about drama. He started to talk about a play I hadn't seen, but I decided to agree on everything he was saying. Suddenly he said, "the play doesn't actually exist." I silently left the room. FML
by Lyingg / 10/05/2011 at 4:33pm / United Kingdom (London) / Work
Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML
by danii / 10/03/2011 at 9:19pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally got the nerve to tell my parents that I'm no longer going to pay them a flat percent of my salary, but only what they need to cover my expenses. Their response: "Better find a place of your own then, you freeloading bastard." FML
by Anonymous / 10/03/2011 at 4:49pm / United States (Texas) / Money
by Sam / 09/26/2011 at 7:46am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money
Today, while waiting in line at Gamestop, another customer and the cashier started chatting about how Pokémon is for kids, and anyone over 10 who's into it is weird. Embarrassed, I put the new Pokémon game back on the shelf and snuck out of the store. FML
by Anonymous / 09/25/2011 at 3:18pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:39am / United States (Washington) / Health
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…
- Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't… Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could… Today, I had diarrhea in a Walmart bathroom for 15 minutes. Apparently, so did the guy in the stall…