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ummm_me's favorite FMLs
by that girl / 04/08/2014 at 7:06pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy
Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML
by =( / 04/05/2014 at 1:48pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by and not even in the good way / 03/30/2014 at 4:36pm / United States / Kids
by shabowbow / 03/27/2014 at 2:14pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML
by Anonymous / 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by riiiight / 01/29/2014 at 5:14pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by MommyProblems / 01/19/2014 at 12:17am / United States / Kids
by ElephantLover / 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by foreveralone / 07/23/2013 at 5:51am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
by need € for new iron / 05/16/2013 at 3:49pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Intimacy
Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML
by Anonymous / 01/20/2013 at 1:22pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Love
Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2012 at 11:41am / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, in the middle of explaining over the phone to my crush how I felt about him, I got a text from his best friend, who was apparently with him at the time. It said, "He doesn't like you, get over it. Stop rambling." FML
by poopooppachuu / 10/11/2011 at 3:32am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/17/2010 at 1:55am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML
by anon / 07/25/2010 at 8:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m a trainee who recently arrived in a prestigious company. My boss walked in on me sorting… Today, I had planned a pig eye dissection with my students. I didn’t think it was possible to have…