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ukwn

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  • Number of visits : 1782
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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ukwn's page activity

Visits<b>rcbarnes</b> - the 12/05/2011 at 6:03pm<b>A_Person_FML</b> - the 11/12/2011 at 4:14pm<b>FatRoll</b> - the 10/24/2011 at 9:30am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:14pm<b>ColorfulDonut</b> - the 07/24/2011 at 3:47pm

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ukwn's favorite FMLs

Today, at my school's Midnight Madness, I was selected to show my school spirit in a contest. Being drunk, I decided to hump the school mascot in front of 300 people. FML

#6065931
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6310) - you deserved it (47239)

On 10/30/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by skyhawk13 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was playing FarmTown and got into a fight with a 14 year old boy. I threatened him with physical violence, and he reported me. I'm 23 years old and got banned from a virtual farming game for threatening children. FML

#5841852
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7108) - you deserved it (55635)

On 10/15/2009 at 1:04pm - kids - by hatelittleboys (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

#5828114
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87520) - you deserved it (14630)

On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got an email from the company that manages my cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML

#5663418
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47660) - you deserved it (3866)

On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - animals - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

#5655008
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11997) - you deserved it (35427)

On 10/05/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Painful (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

#5651689
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10302) - you deserved it (30091)

On 10/04/2009 at 10:01pm - love - by danskinnow (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, during an argument with my daughter she screamed "everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML

#5582438
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36414) - you deserved it (6105)

On 10/01/2009 at 10:25am - animals - by unloved (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

#5550225
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64395) - you deserved it (4714)

On 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by P0wned (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when a little guy walked up and flirted with her. I'm a pretty weak guy and he looked weaker, so I gave him a little push and said "Back off". He's actually not weak at all. I've got a black eye and a girlfriend who won't stop laughing to prove it. FML

#5506642
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13607) - you deserved it (37652)

On 09/27/2009 at 2:12pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

#5441991
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10132) - you deserved it (73196)

On 09/24/2009 at 1:17am - animals - by doggybag (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was driving through a neighborhood and saw a "slow down, children" sign. I was nice and slowed down as I passed a couple little kids with their parents outside watching them. I guess I was going too slow because one of the fathers started chasing me down the street calling me a pedophile. FML

#5340344
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40243) - you deserved it (3807)

On 09/18/2009 at 9:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got my first tattoo. When I showed my boyfriend, he asked where I got the design. I told him I saw it in a sketch book of his. He designed it for his last girlfriend, who got it in the same place. FML

#5336281
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17138) - you deserved it (53975)

On 09/18/2009 at 6:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML

#5330246
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35063) - you deserved it (3687)

On 09/18/2009 at 10:27am - animals - by poopEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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