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ukwn

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  • Number of visits : 1976
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ukwn's page activity

Visits<b>rcbarnes</b> - the 12/05/2011 at 6:03pm<b>A_Person_FML</b> - the 11/12/2011 at 4:14pm<b>FatRoll</b> - the 10/24/2011 at 9:30am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 10:14pm<b>ColorfulDonut</b> - the 07/24/2011 at 3:47pm

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ukwn's favorite FMLs

Today, my five year old son decided to move all my stuffed animals I have around the house, into sex positions and massive orgies. What have I been teaching my son lately? FML

#15229654
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14145) - you deserved it (42482)

On 03/07/2011 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by lolzboss - United States (Virginia)

Today, I tried convincing my Valentine-hating boyfriend to send me a card, by explaining how important it is to me. He finally agreed and sent me a card. I opened it up, and it wished me 'harmony and well-being on Lupercalia'. What is Lupercalia? It's an ancient Roman festival where men run down the street naked, whipping people with goat skins to encourage fertility. FML

#8250331
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8593) - you deserved it (33001)

On 02/14/2010 at 1:56pm - love - by CrappyValentine (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I was wearing a shirt that had a picture of a squirrel and acorns with a caption reading "Protect Your Nuts". My dad walked up to me, read my shirt, then punched me in the balls. FML

#7227808
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10422) - you deserved it (38276)

On 01/09/2010 at 12:01am - misc - by squirrel (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at work and I had to take a dump. Since I was the only person in the bathroom, I started singing, "I'm taking a poopy-poop poop poop poop." I was not the only person in the bathroom. FML

#7050962
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8496) - you deserved it (58303)

On 12/31/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I woke up to an unfamiliar male face right beside mine. I flipped out fell of my 4 foot raised bed and got a concussion. Who, you may ask, was in my bed? My Robert Pattinson pillowcase. FML

#6963425
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7555) - you deserved it (64569)

On 12/26/2009 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

#6884813
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8151) - you deserved it (41651)

On 12/22/2009 at 2:18pm - misc - by funyfunkid (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML

#6842155
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44221) - you deserved it (4014)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:14am - love - by Catholicguy (man) - United States (California)

Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML

#6802710
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28571) - you deserved it (4168)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:48pm - love - by yoked (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, it looked like rain so I held out my hand to catch a raindrop. When I finally caught one, I closed my hand over it and ran to show my friends to prove it was raining. I opened my hand saying, "Look! It's raining!" When I looked down, I saw that I had actually caught a bird shit. FML

#6779771
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10576) - you deserved it (29614)

On 12/16/2009 at 4:11pm - animals - by smellyhand (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I kissed my iced over window to know what kissing Edward Cullen would be like. My neighbor saw. My first reaction was to come up with a cover story. I licked the window and wiped my sleeve over it to look like I was cleaning it. My neighbor came over later and gave me an early Christmas gift. Windex. FML

#6472262
386 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7269) - you deserved it (80389)

On 11/27/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by obsessed (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML

#6439149
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70204) - you deserved it (12074)

On 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by buhknee - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML

#6340257
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11744) - you deserved it (34355)

On 11/17/2009 at 11:12am - misc - by Araya (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML

#6207441
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30674) - you deserved it (3132)

On 11/08/2009 at 2:26am - animals - by birdbath (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm and I saw and smelled smoke coming under my door. My second story window wouldn't unlock so I broke it open, threw out as many of my belongings as I could, and jumped. Turns out, the smell and noise were from my roomates cheap vacuum cleaner, not a fire. FML

Today, I invited my very animal phobic boyfriend over. I have a dog and a rabbit, who are always well behaved so I insisted they wouldn't do him any harm. My dog peed all over his shoes and my rabbit furiously humped his leg and wouldn't let go. He's now even more terrified of animals. FML

#6081192
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28087) - you deserved it (10866)

On 10/31/2009 at 7:08am - love - by Anon (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)



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